Isn’t LOL easier to understand?

How about this…

If you understand what GNP means and what it does for everyone in an economy, do you know what sustainability in an economy means? How about Strategic Planning and Management? How about Leadership? How about telling us what you think they mean and let’s compare notes.

I don’t know what GNP means. I only know it means Gross National Product. I don’t know what it’s for, how it’s computed and derived, where the givens and the variables to compute it comes from. Although I was made to memorize its meaning when I was younger, that’s as far as my knowledge of it goes. For I am a layman. An ordinary person who goes to a corner store to buy chips and a soda after watching a summer sports league in our neighborhood.

But I know what sustainability means. I also know what Strategic Planning and Management is about. I also know what it means in an economy. I usually think about it while doing household chores like the laundry and washing dishes. It’s a lot of fun to strategize that way.

Sustainability. Look up the technical definition in the dictionary. I won’t write it down here or even provide a link. If you can read this, then you’re capable of finding the definition.

In an economy, what is the essence of sustainability? Too much has been said about this. But not in a way that is simple and understandable by those who buy from a corner store a sachet of shampoo for that long long hair to lather and wash.

Sustainability…it’s getting by with what you have. And when you are given more, being able to make the necessary changes to adapt the changes into your current life and circumstances.

If we were a country that would stand alone, no help with anything from any other country, how would we make do with what we have and what are the changes we have to adapt to for centuries to come?

Let’s remove all external variables, meaning…other countries. Let’s produce our own food, clothing, provide homes, education, work, income, stores, recreational venues and options, transportation and roads, communication channels and devices, electricity and other forms of energy, cooking fuel, transportation fuel, healthcare insitutions and medicines, and so many other conceivable inventions, for everyone in our country. Oh and yes, the Internet and all the information it provides us on a daily basis. Then we also collect and throw our trash in our own land, do our own recycling, maintain our natural resources so we won’t run out of water and good soil for planting food for all of us, trees to absorb rain, clean air to breathe. So let’s put some figures into those needs and wants.

Population. And when I say population that means people and animals. Can we start with a population of a thousand. How much of these do a thousand people need? Let’s say we provide these to a thousand people easy peasy for a decade. Reproduction comes in. The population becomes 10,000 after a decade. What changes do we need to have to accommodate the change? How much more food, shelter, clothing, and those previously stated do we need to produce for the next decade? How much trash would these additional people have after a decade? Where would we put them or process them as either recyclables or landfill stuff?

Repeat the process of adding to the population every decade. Can we handle the increase in needs and wants? Will we be able to maintain our current supply and demand curve? If our population became a million, can we still make the necessary changes to adapt to the increased demand for goods and services as they say in technical words?

And that’s only for our own country’s people.

But wait there’s more!

You want to interact with other countries. You know, try to get some investments flowing into the country. Moolah!!!!!

Here’s the catch. You want their moolah, you better make sure you can provide them what I previously stated above to make them even consider investing here. Why? Because there are other countries that can give it to them with lesser hassles, less cost, less stress, and more gain.

Then comes the essence of Strategic Planning and Management which goes hand in hand with the most dreaded and heaviest word ever…Leadership.

If you are a leader you cannot focus on just one aspect of your country. You have to have a hand in all pies. That’s Strategic Planning and Management.

All the statistics tools are there. The best minds are available to ask help from with the right fees and proper addressing. But this is not possible without Leadership.

It’s just like doing group work in school, only difference is your grade isn’t shown in a report card. It’s shown in the news. In group work, when you are chosen to be the leader, you decide who gets to do what. You base that on what you know that particular person is capable of doing well. You’re given a deadline where you are told, finished or unfinished, pass your papers. On the day of the deadline, if the results are acceptable you give them another chance to continue. If not, then let them go and find another to replace them. Why? Because there will be more group work handed out in the next years. And if you’re stuck with the same people who didn’t perform well and dragged your grades down, then they who we want to invest in our country, eventually leave us and look for other places to bring their moolah to. That simple.

And each year they don’t perform well, the interests of our loans increase exponentially, or is that called compounded interest? And we are not the only ones with the loans. Those whom we asked to invest here have loans also they are paying for while waiting for us to finish deadlines we promised them we would meet. The longer it takes us to meet our deadlines, the more interest they pay for their loans.

Imagine if one of them built a whole compound of towers to start the newest business district in our country. But they can’t have the grand opening happen because we didn’t get to finish the roads towards it on time for their scheduled grand opening. The energy requirements they needed we couldn’t meet because we weren’t able to finish the promised electric plant in that district on time. Their water requirements couldn’t be met either because the pipes that are supposed to bring water to their compound are still underway as the roads are still not finished yet either. And we delay finishing these for one whole year. Then the imagine phrase would turn into “imagine them enraged that they would have to pay one year’s interests in their loans because we didn’t finish our part in the arrangement on time”.

Strategic planning means planning for a future that is in increments of at least half a century. If a corporation in our country has an initial life span of half a century, then we should have our planning in these increments too. And implementation should be strict and fully monitored.

If I owned a corporation, I would plan for the next half century. Get the best minds to plan with me. Get the best implementors to implement our plans. And make sure we get the best return on investment within those years. So that when we pass it on to those who will lead our company after the first half of the century, they won’t be cleaning up our mess or starting from scratch because we messed it up.

But then again, that’s my private self thinking and planning. I’m not in service. I don’t plan to serve that way. Or maybe we should admit that we were not meant to serve in the real sense of the word, then give way to those who really want to serve.

That’s the difference with service and private people. When you’re in service, your decisions and choices affect everyone. When you’re a private person, your decisions and choices affect you and only those who work for you.

And another difference is this…

As a private person, I can be the one who would leave.

But as a person in service, I can be the reason why they left.

As for me…I’ll just return to my normal life of being one of those who have no idea what the effect of GNP and every other technical acronym is to my life. Life is easier that way. Soooooo much easier to be normal and ignorant of the complexities of economies.

In our country, the word strike doesn’t have a sports-related retention in our minds. It has a complaint-related memory trigger. Is that a good thing? I don’t know…how many strikes do we have in a decade? If anyone can collect those statistics then we can derive that they are the reason why strikes in our country are considered a “household name”.

Today I got to read some pages on a book about Business Communication at Work. It said there that to send the same correspondence to more than one person, you have to use memo format. So let’s try that. Let’s pretend I am the one writing the memo to be distributed to many people at work. Here goes…

—- Memo starts here —-
To: Decision Makers
From: Me
Subject: Public Transportation Providers and Policies

In my younger years as a decision-maker, I was privileged enough to prepare and view a master plan for our country. This master plan included a 20 to 30 year plan for development of our country’s infrastructure, policies, and general economy. I, young as I was, was very impressed with the content of that master plan. For it included a future that was based on a holistic approach to development that involved a lot of planning, preparation and implementation as opposed to a temporary fix to appease frantic nerves. The master plan was not restricted by the number of years a certain official would hold office. It was designed to be planned, prepared and implemented regardless of who was and is in office. However, this master plan was thrown away with the change of leadership during the revolution in one of the areas where the issue we shall discuss is most prominent.

The transport strike we have experienced today is one of many that we have gone through for the past decade alone. Such an occurrence should and could have been avoided if addressed in the proper manner.  The methods which we use to communicate with each other to reach a compromise or a method of arbitration should be our concern. For without such methods of communication, this incident shall recur and have accumulated repercussions on the public and the private sectors.

As decision makers, we should put together teams of problem solvers that would discuss the issue for a more holistic approach to problem solving, preferably with these people having a copy of the original 20 to 30 year master plan to read and refer to;
1) Team A: Those that do not have any financial attachments to those who are in government and those who are in the private sector with regards to this issue, with the following qualities:

a) knowledgeable of all main and side streets in the different congested cities and towns, most especially the alternate roads that may be used to reach any destination. Navigation and Driving Apps assistance may be used but only as confirmation of knowledge of person(s) in this team. They shall devise a nationwide time-sensitive route to decongest and/or manage traffic flow to and from the areas that are frequented on specific times of the day, e.g. schools, government buildings, big commercial centers ;

b) knowledgeable of fluctuation of prices of fuel and energy used by the public transport sector, the effects on their profits wherein all the costs of owning a public utility vehicle are reflected;

c) content writers that can simplify the most technical of terminologies for laymen to understand, to aid in the passing of messages between teams and other decision makers;

d) representatives of the legal sector for the laying out of all the policies that had affected, is affecting and would affect public transport vehicles, wherein they would make sure that there are no loopholes in the rules that are existing and to be written;

e) representatives of the science and technology sector for the laying out of existing and potential infrastructure, optimized routes for the purpose of fuel and maintenance savings, collection of statistical data on the various methods used before to address the traffic congestion problems and their results, statistical data on the existing and projected population of certain areas with regards to residence and work for a 20 to 30 year span, statistical data on the growth of residential, industrial and commercial sectors for a 20 to 30 year span. Such data shall be used to determine a projected traffic flow and increase in public utility vehicle supply within a 20 to 30 year span ;

f) a group of researchers that would look into other countries’ approach to solving their public transport issues to help determine which solutions are realistically adaptable and/or applicable to our country;

g) a group of people who would do the computations for P & L , development costing of the various needs of this approach and possible research on sources of funding for the approved solutions for implementation;

h) a group of people who are able to identify which existing officials are fit for the position of decision maker and leader for the various aspects of planning, preparation and implementation

2) Team B: Those that have any financial attachments to those who are in government and those who are in the private sector with regards to this issue, with the same qualities as above:

3) Team C: A group of people proven to be objective in their decision making that would collaborate Team A and Team B’s reports. The collaborative report would be used as a basis on which has a more realistic approach to solving the issue. This is with regards to a 20 to 30 year planning-to-implementation plan. They shall use the previously created 20 to 30 year master plan, derive parallelisms, then prepare and present a 20 to 30 year master plan for approval of implementation by existing officials;

These are the approaches to our development of solutions for the current public transport issues. I personally do not believe that throwing away the concept of entrepreneurship by forcing the creation of fleets is a long-term solution beneficial to our country. We should continue to uphold the balance between encouraging and protecting entrepreneurial ventures in the same way we encourage the growth and protection of the corporate sector. These approaches are not solely for those who have held the transport strike today. These approaches should be a precedent and eventually a standard in developing public transportation policies whatever kind of public transportation vehicle it is.

Nominations to these positions should be made before the end of this month by both the government and private sectors.  These teams should be put together before the end of the next month, November. Briefing should begin before the end of the year and planning and actual implementation of the planning phase should be made by the first quarter of next year and preferably completed by the end of next year.

We shall work towards building a future that is best for our country and people using the current structure that we have. We shall not change our country’s structures without the proper planning and transparency that our people deserve. We shall not destroy our roots to create a new country. We shall improve on what we already have and continuously work towards more improvements over time regardless of who sits in office. By planning for the long-term, we would be better able to provide a future that relies on collaborative intelligence and effort for the development of our country.

Sincerely,

MSB

—- Memo ends here —-

“If you suddenly wake up and find out you own and have control of all of the wealth of the world, from money to all kinds of properties, what would be the first thing you would do with it?”

Would you buy something for yourself?
Would you buy something for someone else?
Would you divide it among all the people in the world and distribute it?
Would you spend all of it?
Would you save all of it?
Would you combine spending and saving for all of it? You can’t because the question is what would be the FIRST thing you would do with it. Combinations are not allowed because you can’t both spend and save it simultaneously.
Would you invest all of it? If this is your choice, where would you invest it if you already own all of the other properties in the world?

Is the simple question easy or difficult to answer?

If I gave you this question to answer until midnight before the start of 2017, do you think you would be able to come up with an answer that you would never regret?

So if you want more time to answer this, then close your browser and start thinking.

Or you could continue reading what I have posted below.

First and foremost, to be able to answer this appropriately, you should be educated. By educated I mean you have a grasp of the basics of economies, math, language, science, and all the other subjects in school until at least college. Why? Because wealth of this proportion can mean the life or death of all living things. Which is why, if you want to be this wealthy, you have to stay in school. For ignorance in any of these and laziness in researching and reading can be a loophole for anyone to be fooled into making misinformed decisions.

Secondly, this is only hypothetical. There will never be a time where and when only one person would have the whole world’s wealth. with the diversity in people’s thinking, this is never going to happen.

Lastly, your answer to this question would help you understand that whatever you have right now is a choice, and if you want something better, you just have to prove that you deserve it and work your ass off trying to get it, until you do.

Here is my answer to this question.

I would hold a meeting of all the leaders of the world and tell them to provide me all the information needed to make sure that the proper investments are made in each of their countries and industries to enable the majority of their citizens to live decent lives with constant food on their tables. We would discuss what their insights are and solutions they suggest, what statistical data are needed to be maintained or improved, and the methods on how to effectively monitor all our planned and existing strategies so they would come to fruition and retain its continuity/sustainability.

How easy is this? It’s not.

Here’s an example.

Let’s pretend that the population of country A is 1 billion. Out of that 1 billion, there are 300 million normal adults, 300 million normal children (minors), 300 million retired senior citizens, 100 million physically and/or mentally challenged adults and children.

Country A has to have jobs for the 300 million normal adults so they can buy necessities for themselves, and the 300 million children they have, including the 300 million retired senior citizens, 100 million physically and/or mentally challenged adults and children.

what are the necessities that they need to buy in the form of goods and services?
- Food
- Clothing
- Shelter (own home, rental, or some other type of home)
- Education
- Recreation
- Health maintenance stuff
- Transportation (owned or fare fees)
- Communication
- Energy
- savings for rainy days

How much does each adult need to earn monthly just to make sure they have their necessities? Let’s pretend each necessity costs a buck. so for 10 necessities, each person needs 10 bucks a day. So for a month, that would be…

10 bucks x 30 days = 300 bucks
x 12 months
= 3,600 bucks a year/each person

So for 1 billion people x 3,600 bucks a year each, that would be 3,600,000,000,000 or 3.6 trillion budget a year for only one Country A. How many countries do we have?

Now, we also have to provide a budget for schools that would fit 300 million normal children. Then provide a budget for special schools and caring centers for 100 million physically and/or mentally challenged adults and children. How many buildings do we need for these? How many kinds of infrastructure do we need to make sure they get to and from school and their homes safely and on time everyday? We need roads, bridges, various kinds of vehicles, various kinds of fuel, various kinds of workers, various kinds of buildings, various kinds of sources of energy, various kinds of communication methods and devices, various kinds of clothing to group one school’s population from another, various food providers while they are in school or caring centers. Various kinds of research and development to continually improve the educational and caring systems. All of these cost money. The people who are going to pay for these are the 300 million working adults. That is assuming they are all working.

If the 300 million adults are all working, then the 3.6 trillion budget should be divided amongst them. That would mean 12,000 bucks would be given to each working adult each year. Remember, this is just an example.

What if only 200 million adults are employable. That means they have the skills and education to be given a job. So you have 100 million adults without work. Which means there would only be 200 million adults given the responsibility to buy necessities for themselves, and the 300 million children they have, including the 300 million retired senior citizens, 100 million physically and/or mentally challenged adults and children AND an additional 100 million adults without work.

What happens to the 3.6 trillion a year for only one Country A? It stays as 3.6 trillion a year for the expenses budget. But there is a problem. There’s a shortage of 1.2 trillion spending power for country A. because 100 million adults do not have work.

To make it simpler, let’s write it this way…

INCOME:
100 million working adults = 1.2 trillion bucks a year
200 million working adults = 2.4 trillion bucks a year
300 million working adults = 3.6 trillion bucks a year

If their income is divided into the number of people depending on them for their necessities it would be this.

DIVIDED INTO PAYMENT FOR NECESSITIES:
100 million working adults = 1.2 trillion bucks a year
means only 1,200 bucks a year/person
versus the needed 3,600 bucks a year/person

200 million working adults = 2.4 trillion bucks a year
means only 2,400 bucks a year/person
versus the needed 3,600 bucks a year/person

When not all 300 million adults have work, that means the 1 billion people population of Country A would not be able to pay for all 10 (ten) necessities. This means any of the following: poverty, malnutrition, out-of-school youths, and so many more types of deprivation of necessities.

There’s one more thing you have to know. Hypothetically, if the time comes when we have spent all the money in the world and it has run out, then we would return to eating what is around us. We shall return to slaying all the animals around us or eating the plants around us because we don’t have money anymore to reproduce them. If they are not reproduced regularly, we would have a food shortage. I don’t think a billion people would have enough animals and plants in their country to last for a year without assisted reproduction.

If you were the one handling all this wealth for budgeting to the different countries, how can you make sure that the money is refilled on a yearly basis and never runs out? Because if you just distributed this money to everyone without using it to create more wealth, then it would disappear in just a year. But if you ask more people to create more businesses, develop more and newer things to put on sale to anyone else who can afford it, then you have created more wealth.

Wealth that could refill the income needs of at least Country A on a yearly basis. Now, what else is there to do? The same kind of mentality should be done with the other countries. Develop more ways to create wealth in their countries according to what works with them. Which is why you need to communicate with them and find out what they need and what works for them.

So, tell me. If you didn’t stay in school long enough to learn how everyone and everything in the world is literally dependent and interconnected with each other, do you think you have what it takes to solve the world’s problems? or should you just give suggestions to those who have what it takes to do the planning, implementing and monitoring of solving the world’s problems?

Most of us only have a miniscule view of what really happens in the world. Usually, it is a view of small and/or local economies that is enough to help us manage and maintain our own businesses for our own necessities and even luxuries. solving world’s problems shouldn’t be our concern anymore so we can stay on the path we have decided to have early in life. Keeping things simple, uncomplicated.

However, it doesn’t exclude us from the capability to provide suggestions on how things should be done. But when someone or a group of people who sees the big picture and knows how to cascade it to the smaller pictures comes along, don’t stand in their way. For the more you stand in their way or bring them down, the more you are depriving them of the power to give you and many others better lives.

Stay in school, learn some more. If you’re in business, read more books, attend more learning activities, keep yourself in the know. If you’re at home, take time to read or watch informational stuff.

In a few days we are going to start a new year. How would you want it to start? As an obstacle or help a clear path?

Honestly, I don’t think anyone thinks of me as a leader. So I was so into telling him “no”.
Then he showed me that I could if I wanted to.
So it became a decision. A decision to be a leader or not.

Which gave me a topic to write about.
What makes a leader decide to be a leader.
Then when that person becomes a leader, why do they forget why they chose to become a leader and instead busy themselves with “unleaderly” things. I especially observe this when they become overwhelmed with the luxury, privileges, and attention a leader gets.

Why do I write this?
My country has new leaders, put in place by either the people or the computers, whichever truth works for you.
So what?
Well, first and foremost, there would be a lot of things that many people would be saying should be prioritized.
It would range from the ConCon (or Con-Ass, depending on what kind of syllable sounds better with the prefix con), to the smallest issues that should be given attention to like how many new waiting sheds should be put up in the next years, albeit to keep your heads dry but most probably not the knees as they would be easily flooded anyway.

I’d say that it would be great if there was a long list of things to do and a software that could automatically prioritize them but I know there isn’t.  I’d also say that it would be great if there was a manual for them to follow on how to prioritize the needs and proposals of projects but I know realistically there isn’t and there would never be one. Primarily because such needs and proposals change every year. And it would be amusing if they would fall in line like the time of Solomon and raise their concerns one at a time.

So I’ll try this approach.

If all of our new leaders were required as part of their job description to present a list of their things to do for their whole term prioritized according to their own preference to the public, would it help?

I’m sure all of them have their own plans. But the bottomline is this. For each plan there is a cost. It may be monetary or in the form of time. Either way, it has a cost. Here is an example.

For the ConCon/ConAss (I’d rather call it ConCon as ConAss seems to me as a plan to con some ass or someone’s ass), there would be a lot of meetings. Meetings where there would be either relevant talk or distracted talk. By distracted talk I mean it has nothing to do with the purpose of the ConCon. How much would it cost per meeting? Where would each meeting be held? How many people are needed? How much time should be allotted per meeting?

These are questions I would like to ask because if each meeting would cost around, let’s say, a hundred thousand, And there are scheduled about 60-70 meetings for the first year, that would cost 6-7 million from the first year’s budget. Do we have that to give?

What if we do it this way?
You want a project funded? Then present how it would make us, i.e. our country, revenues.
Why? Because the expense should be justified by an income. Or at least a source of income.
Otherwise, the priority level of the project would be lower.

Here’s another example.
We want to propose the construction of new roads. Where are these roads going to be built? What are the possible industries of business sectors that we could present these roads to as cost effective for them to use. So that in turn, the construction of these roads would also be attractive to new investors. By prioritizing these roads, when would we be expecting a return of investment on them so that we could make even more roads?

We want to propose the improvement of our and even introduction of new ports. Is there an existing budget for it? Is the budget enough? If we improve the ports like the way the RORO’s were presented and implemented years ago, and offer our existing business sectors a cheaper alternative to importing and exporting goods through the water channels, then this would become attractive to new investors too.

We want to propose the use of cable cars into our country. The cost of this is greater because we are going to start from scratch. How about looking into rehabilitating our existing railroad systems so they could be used in the same way as the MRT and LRT are (including airconditioning) but towards the nearby and far away provinces. This could help decongest the roads of people trying to get into PUV’s that are already full and standing room only at the same time re-train the people to use trains again. The trains could be used to transport produce like fruits and vegetables in a cheaper and faster way, lessening spoilage. That way we would be helping this business sector earn more giving them more take home pay from their investments which we all know are nature dependent. Cheaper food sources would mean lesser expenses for the food business sector, making it more attractive for even more food business investors to come into our country.

We want to propose the construction of a nationwide sewerage system that would minimize flooding even during strong,  long and insistent rains. The cost of this would ultimately lead to a lot of savings for both businesses, residences and disaster and rescue budgets. If we could establish that we have flood prevention measures then our country would be so attractive to investors who do not want the inconvenience and expense brought about by flooding.

Why do I suggest that we prioritize these? Because if we want to spend millions in meetings, we have to have a way to generate the money to spend. I know what it is like to just talk and talk and talk and not have anything happen because there isn’t any money to spend on those things we want to happen. So how about making money first so that you would have the money to spend while talking and talking and talking and talking some more. Not that I have anything against talking. If the ConCon would be able to address all the issues that are currently existing as loopholes in our systems and action implemented on them, then that would be one of the better investments of our country. What’s even better is if before the ConCon a draft of all the issues to be addressed is written and presented to the public to justify the need for a ConCon, then it would be easier for the common folk to understand what it is for.

The National Budget is just that. A budget. A list of numbers that everyone would be clamoring to have a piece of in every possible way they can. A list of numbers written on a piece of paper on which to spend on what. How about an upgrade? A National Budget that shows those that we plan to spend on for the first year of the new leaders’ term, along with a projection of National Revenues that we are expecting to receive from existing collections and planned projects. That way we know we would have enough money on the first year to spend on planned first year projects. Then we have timelines when these projects would be completed and become revenue generators too. Then the projected revenues from the completed planned projects would be reflected as the source of funds for the succeeding years’ National Budget. Plus, if the planned projects are not completed in time, then those items that are supposed to receive a piece of the budget for the succeeding years shall also not be given a budget. That way we would be able to motivate those who are in charge of the planned projects to actually make sure the projects get completed as scheduled, minimizing delays and postponements because a sector of the economy is waiting to receive their budget from its revenues. Then we would also be minimizing slaying each others’ projects because of lack of revenues.

And when the leaders get used to such a routine of “make money first so that it would be easier to ask money from the National Budget”. then we would possibly be an example to other developing countries. Then the decision to be a leader indeed was a decision to be a leader.

In a few days my country will have a new leader. In the process, he would be having other leaders to help him make either the right or wrong decisions. And there would be a lot of problems to solve. One of them is the incessant heavy and sometimes unbearable flow of traffic. It has been a position that either earns the title Tsar for a good job done or Charred for getting burned after being called a failure. Divide and conquer would be an alternative way of addressing it.

What do i care about the traffic? I don’t even have to worry about it since i live in a province where almost everything is less than an hour away. Well, just think of me as a bored stay-at-home mom who has a lot to say but no one to talk to so I’ll just blog about my thoughts.

What’s the underlying theme or thrust of the incoming administration? I would surmise that it is fighting crime. Lesser crime would mean a more stable environment to do business. So let’s divide and conquer.

What is needed?
> Routes and proper lanes for public transport
> Routes, schedules and proper lanes for delivery and products transport vehicles
> Routes and proper lanes for the private vehicles that are either going to work, school or leisurely places
> Routes and proper lanes for emergency vehicles like ambulances and fire trucks
> Routes and proper lanes for crime prevention and damage control vehicles
> Routes and proper lanes for non-fuel using vehicles like bicycles, pedicabs, and even skateboards
> Routes and proper lanes for othr vehicles i didn’t get to mention
> A budget for additional surveillance cameras with those compressed hard disks that can store months of recordings in strategic places to record traffic flow for better viewing of reality over several years

What do we have?
> A digital geographical map of the whole country’s streets, alleys, and major roads
> An estimate of the volume of vehicles that may be passing regularly in a certain location or area via the annual census results
> If the information is not available in the census results, the option to request information from vehicle companies’ on the number of vehicles sold within the past decade
> If more information is needed, the option to ask companies the number of transport vehicles used and regular routes used on a regular schedule
> Previous years’ recordings of roads that are indicative of which areas always have congested traffic

What do we do with them?
We collect all the information we need, get at least a couple of people to put together a decongestion and route plan for each type of vehicle, and then collaborate all the plans to make a whole. Easier said than done? Indeed.

Here’s an example. Go to Google maps. Enter a place where you are coming from and a destination. You shall be presented with various routes with the relevant details needed for decision making. This technology is already made available for us because people far away know we can use them to organize our countries. What we need to do is to utilize these tools in the right ways. The private sector already uses these types of navigation tools on a regular basis. Since you now have the capacity to see an aerial view of all our roads plus the position, power and resources to collaborate the data with our country’s needs, then what’s next is getting your team together.

But there’s a string attached. The people we should get to plan should be those who have no hidden agenda. By hidden agenda, I mean these.

> Are they pining for a tsar position? Because if they are then sabotage of any plans is a possibility.
> Are they easily bribed? Because if they are then they would design plans that would be beneficial only to those who can pay them at the price they want regardless of the effect on the collaborative effort.
> Are they implicitly part of a criminal group? FYI, there is a group of people who prey on private and even business vehicles parked in parking lots and make them tools for crime without the knowledge of the vehicles’ owners. They put surveillance devices on the private vehicles’ windshields, dashhoards, side mirrors, and even windows similar to those used in spy eyeglasses. They use them to monitor the activities of those people they want to commit crimes on, by regularly monitoring the routes they frequent without being seen physically doing so. Try to see if you are one of them. If you are suddenly made to stop in a place where there is a person outside the vehicle holding a piece of paper or a cellphone with a message facing your windshield or one of your windows, then your vehicle may have been compromised.

What’s next?
Encourage the planners to create plans that would use side roads for alternate routes for those going to school and work. Make sure all these routes are well disseminated to schools and offices. This would not be expensive if you could get the planners to create an illustration of these routes and make them available on various websites for easier dissemination and reference. If it is possible, have several private vehicles try the routes on rush hours to see the actual time it takes to course through it. Then it would be easier to present the route to the public with actual information of ETA estimates. Then have someone listen to the feedback of the public on the effectivity of the routes via polls or SMS for further improvements.

Encourage the planners to ask companies and small businesses to present their preferred schedules and routes for their transport vehicles. That way you would be able to find out what they consider as cost effective routes for them and lessen conflict with the business sector. Then use the information to either allow them to pass through their preferred routes or plan for other routes that could be presented to the business sector. But you have to disseminate it to the business sector separately from the public sector to find out what they think about them firsthand. Their vehicles may be lesser than the private sector but they are usually longer. Which means one long truck may be equivalent to the space consumed by four to five cars.

Have the planners prepare a route for all types of emergency, crime prevention, and damage control vehicles. These routes should be disseminated to all drivers and offices of these vehicles. These routes should also be made available to the public should they be in need of routes in emergency situations. Then there would be no excuse for these vehicles not to get to hospitals, fires, crime ridden places at the fastest times. Not to mention it would also lessen the irritation of the public with the reality that some emergency vehicles are actually used as shuttle services under the guise of emergencies with sirens ringing.

Planning takes a lot of time and implementation is even more frustrating. It is very important for the public to cooperate of course. And yet, the public has to be informed so they would find it easier to cooperate if they find that the plans laid are beneficial to them. But when done right and with a firm hand, these are the possible results:

> Have our traffic flow be either a good business indicator or not
> Develop a regular traffic statistical information webpage that would help other public services
offices in their planning and decision making
> Allow our various public service offices to use these information to see which places needs more roads, how much budget is needed for these roads, develop plans for putting up these additional roads, overpasses, freeways, bridges, pedestrian walkways, non-fuel using vehicle side roads and other such structures that would make our country more attractive to investors and make criminals easier to catch and crimes prevented. Because honestly, widening roads and eating private lands by doing so is overrated and I think would not be doing much good in the long run.

Last but not the least, plan and implement not only for the country’s capital city. Do the same thing for the provinces. That way, we could also pave the way for our provinces to become new and alternative places to put up and do business in the near future.

But then again, why should i care about it? It’s not my country that’s going through the process after all. And yet, it’s pretty hard not to say anything after watching the after effects of a big decision made by so many. So, i’ll put it this way. I am just a stay-at-home mom who’s been watching too much TV.

Too much that i have come to observe these. If the whole thing was just a movie i would think the script went this way….

A group of people planned to manipulate a whole economy using the referendum as bait. Knowing that when the leave votes win, there would be economic turmoil. And with economic turmoil comes vulnerability just about anywhere, including the tumbling, somersaults, and all forms of acrobatics of trade in all affected sectors. In this scenario, a very very big contributor to worldwide trade was the target. Thus with the turmoil comes the sudden dip then fluctuation of the country’s currency, the Pound.

So what? Well, if the value of the Pound goes down real fast and really low, there would be a wondrous opportunity to buy the currency while it is low. What good would it do to anyone if it is low? That’s where the power of seeing the big picture comes in.

If these groups of people had a huge debt in Pounds that they cannot pay off with the old exchange rate, the value of their currency would then be able to buy more Pounds with the newly devaluated Pound. Then they could probably be able to pay more or even all their debt.

If these groups of people wanted to acquire property, with the new devaluated Pound, they would be able to get more Pounds for their currency. Thus they would need lesser amounts of their currency to buy Pound-priced properties in massive amounts.

If these groups of people wanted to put up their businesses in the country but capitalization was more costly with the old value of the Pound, the devaluated Pound would then pave the way for lesser capitalization needs.

I could cite so many more motives but I’d rather not. It would simply accentuate the fact that I have been watching too much TV and movies that it has made me interpret too much into reality to actually think they are possibilities.

So I’ll just pursue my actual goal here, to help others understand how to cope with the change.

If you are an OFW relying on the Pound for your income, I would suggest these.

> Rewrite and recompute your whole budget to reflect the current value of the Pound. Make it a point to explain to those you are supporting financially that it would be your new budget and that they have to adapt to it for as long as they can. They have to be made to understand that you all have to adapt your spending on the current exchange rates until such time that it stabilizes.

> Encourage your dependents to start thinking of ways to augment or add to your income, like starting a small business. That way, the difference in the exchange rate of the Pound from the old high to the new low would be compensated or replaced with the income earned from the small business.

> If you have some Pounds set aside in savings, try to invest them in gold or treasury bonds, not currency trading. If you are not familiar with these, it would help if you asked a stockbroker or visited a bank and asked about investments. They would not steer you wrong because if you make money from the investments they suggest you to make, they too make money.

We can only do our best to adapt to changes in economies around us. These are a few of the ways we can adapt and adjust. For the reality of it is this, if we want change, we have to be ready to adapt to any and all consequences it brings. If we are just indirectly affected by others wanting change, then we must do our best to adjust.

Peace!

For the past months I have been encouraged to talk about politics
especially with the coming elections, which in my country is tomorrow.
They asked me to encourage the younger ones to practice their right to vote.
They asked me who I was going to vote for.

And I stayed away from all of it.

Here’s something I think would be important to know about elections in my country.
It is going through a lot of experimentation because we are only starting to learn how to use automation to cast our votes and count them and validate them. As with any adjustment from manual to automation we go through the same thing over and over again. We look for the one who could give us the right equipment. We look for the one who would seem to satisfactorily train the people who would be manning the equipment and using them. We have to provide all the information needed to help the voters learn how to use the automated systems. And we have a few months before the elections to get all the choosing done, training done, validation of equipment done, and elections completed.

And all these are watched by those younger ones we want to encourage to vote.
Added to this, they also have to be encouraged to decide wisely on who to vote.

So there is the usual predicament.
The predicament of going throughout the process of preparation to brewing sincerity and integrity and proving we are ready.

I think one of the things that is most important for the younger ones is this.
If they do practice their right to vote, would they be assured that their votes were counted and validated with sincerity and integrity.
And this is where the selfies come into the picture.
Maybe the younger ones deserve a more extensive explanation of why they cannot take pictures of their ballots, their receipts and themselves while voting. For to them it is their proof that they have voted and that they could show it off to their social networks. Maybe they deserve to know that selfies with their votes would be probable cause of pandemonium. Why?

Here’s why.

If all those who are going to vote would take a selfie of their ballot and their receipt, upload them to their networks, they would be creating an informal way for everyone to count the votes. And we know that technology can easily be distorted to become what we want others to see it as. What if someone would change the actual selfies and change the names chosen on the ballots using some photo editing software. And those changes are done in the millions, so much so that it could affect the results of the informal counting of votes.

Then we have the formal count done by the authorized people using a formal process.
We also have an informal count done by independent groups and broadcasted in various media.
Then we also have these collection of selfies actually showing either real or edited-by-software voting ballots as an informal count of votes.

What if amongst the formal and informal counting methods, a difference in count resulted in the millions that would cast a big cloud of doubt in the formal election count. Which would be a more believable election result? The formal count, the informal count by independent groups or the visually convincing selfies of each voter with their ballot? As old as I am, I’d believe the selfies version. why? Because I can see it. And that would be a cause for possible pandemonium. Which is why selfies are disallowed during voting.

And that is the power of information. When you explain to them the details of what they are going to do and why they are really restricted from taking selfies, then you get to somehow encourage them to talk to each other about it and possibly encourage them to vote on their own volition.

Honestly, I didn’t give too much time in choosing who to vote. Why? Because I know whoever would win, my role is not to be sour or jubilant. My role is to continue to observe what is happening and suggest solutions to things they cannot solve when they assume their positions. The only thing they could actually do for me is this,

LOBBY FOR WHAT WE WANT

Why do I say lobby?

Because there is no single person running for any position in politics that can promise me anything and assure me that it would happen, except for one thing. That they would have integrity in everything they do while in position.

Not one of them can promise me that they could have more jobs made available.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have more roads made.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have crime rates lowered or even eliminated.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have more schools made.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have salaries or budgets for anything raised.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have anything done and delivered once they assume their position.

Why?
Because they cannot do anything and have anything done all by their lonesome.
None of them can write what they promised, have the plans drawn, hire the people needed for them, get the budget needed for what they promised, and get them all done on time.

What’s the truth behind all these promises given during campaigns?

That the only thing they would actually be able to do is lobby or argue that what they promised be allowed to be given a budget and implemented.

If one of them during a campaign promised that he/she would have some town be given a cemented road that would enable them to get to the schools and markets and the nearby town using public utility vehicles instead of walking on the existing dirt roads, honestly there is no assurance it would happen.

Why?

Because here is how it works that many of them do not want to explain to the people.

As soon as an elected person assumes their position, this is what happens to their promise, explained in very simple terms that even those who are not highly educated could understand.

Year 1 in position – They are taught what they need to do in their position, who the people they are going to be working with, the places they are to go to for whatever they need, how much they are allowed to use for their plans, what are expected from them. Do they have time to fulfill their promise in the first year with all the activities they have to attend just to be introduced to everyone and everything around them? Maybe, maybe not. But it would be better to think of the first year in office as the first month in school where the requirements are not yet needed to be done for the first quarter exams.

Year 2 in position – They lay out their plans for their projects. So this means they write down what they want to get done, how much it is going to cost, where it is going to be done, who are going to do them, when it is supposed to start being done and when it is expected to be completed, and most importantly, why it needs to get done. Then they go to a gazillion meetings to present their plans to just about everyone who needs to know what they are. It’s like when you want to hold a big party at your house, so you make all the plans and you’d have to ask your parents for both permission and money. Only difference is this. If your office does not have the budget for it, then your office would not be able to get it done. If it is a big project, you would have to ask the higher offices for permission and money. So it takes a long time, if there are about a thousand people needed to read your plans, sign them, pass them on from one person to the next, check them if they are correct in every detail. Then the plans would be placed in the “Plans to be given a budget or not” pile. At the end of the year another meeting would take place to decide if the plan would be given a budget or not. If it is not given a budget, then it doesn’t get done and the promise given during the campaign period doesn’t get fulfilled. But if the plan is accepted and put in the “give this plan a budget” pile then we proceed to year 3. Also, if the person in office isn’t very good in arguing or lobbying to have their project approved for a budget, then it also gets rejected.

Year 3 in position – The amounts needed for the projects in the “give this a budget pile” is then added and called the National Budget for the year. Here’s where reality comes in. Where is the money for the projects going to come from? From us, of course. From every amount of tax we pay for most of the things we buy or from the deductions from our salaries and business profits. So they count how much taxes they collected for the year. Not from last year. But from this year after the National Budget has been passed. It’s much like our salaries. If we planned the party and our salary is not enough to pay for it, then party goes poof. But if the taxes collected is enough to pay for the “projects with budgets approved” pile, then the money for it can be set aside for it. But wait! There’s more! Not because the money is there doesn’t mean they would be given immediately to have it done. It’s not like when you ask your parents for money for the party and they give you the whole amount at once. With their projects, the money is given in installments. So they have to show that they have parts of the projects completed every time they are given money. And getting the money doesn’t take just a few minutes. The papers for each installment given is passed from one person to another for many days. So if one of the signatories for the paperwork for the budget to be given is absent for a week, then the budget to be released is delayed for a whole week. No signatures in the paperwork means no budget release. Bummer right? What if the very first signatory went on vacation for a whole month? And there about more than a dozen other signatories after the first signatory? What happens then? Let’s see. If there are a dozen signatories for just one single budget release paperwork, and each signatory is on vacation for a month, what happens? First signatory is on vacation on January so signing it would happen on February. Second signatory is on vacation on February so signing it would happen on March. And so on and so forth. Then you have an additional delay in the implementation of the project. Fun right?

Year 4 onwards in position – The cycle of presenting the project plans, having it approved, asking money, getting the paperwork signing done in the fastest way possible, hiring the people to implement the projects, having the project parts completed checked for quality control if they do so, and the other things needed to get the project done is going to happen. They have how many years in office? Would they be able to finish their project before the next election? Of course, when the next election is about to arrive, they would be setting aside a year or two to prepare for it. So what happens to the focus on the completion of the projects then?

This is a reality. A pattern that has been going on since elections were first made. The factors of time, money and human behavior/nature are at the forefront and not the promises made during the campaigns. If this is the same pattern to be seen by the next generations, then verve for casting votes would probably not rise either.

But what if we made some little changes. By starting with information sharing.

What if there would be an independent group that would create a website that would openly document the promises of each person vying for office or already in office. Then what the website could do would be to document how much the projects would cost, timeline from planning to implementation, manpower needed. Nothing permanent but rather just plans shared with others. Then those who would be available to bid for them would be able to prepare for it encouraging both local and foreign bidders to participate in potential bids. Citizens would also be allowed to write their comments on the projects on whether they are actually useful for them or they would want to suggest more features to the projects. This information would help those who are already in office see whether certain projects are worth putting in the “give this a budget” pile or not.
Then the people would be able to see what are the potential projects for the next elections and which persons/candidates they would prefer to support. They would also be able to see who would actually be able to realistically create work for them. This information would also help the common people see where their taxes would be going whenever they see it being deducted from their salaries or added to the prices of the things they buy. And it would also help them understand that there are some projects that cannot be done fast but would take years to complete, thereby lessening the possibility that they would complain about the delays or the length of time it takes to finish. And this website can also be used to encourage the younger ones to share their thoughts on whatever projects are planned for their future, which would also encourage them to get more involved in elections with or without selfies. Then the next time we have elections, it wouldn’t be too hard to get them to attend the campaign meetings the candidates would be holding.

And that is the power of freedom of information.

And this is why I have decided to become politically indifferent.
Because I would rather have the majority chose who they want to lead them. And I would watch and see what happens and give suggestions on how to make things better. Primarily because I am not depending on any public official to make my life better. I prefer to work hard and find opportunities to make my life better. And as I do so, I would expect the public officials in positions of authority to focus on fulfilling their promises with as much integrity as they could. Not expecting them to be perfect or to get me or anyone else out of poverty. But just to try their best to fulfill their promises during the campaigns. Then when they are fulfilled, the people would have what they need to make their lives better, more opportunities, more laws and protectors to protect them, and more information to help them grow in every aspect possible.

Going back to the dirt road to cemented road project sample above. If the public official who promised this gets to fulfill it, then opportunities are presented. Those people who used to walk on the dirt road would be able to consider different kinds of business opportunities for their locality because transporting goods to and from the nearby towns would then be easier. Then the people there would be easier to alleviate from poverty because they themselves would find it easier to work for their living or go get educated or find sources of business capital instead of tiring themselves from walking through the dirt roads just for a few coins or deciding just to stay at home and be unproductive.

To those who are running in the elections, good luck to all of you.
For the rest of us who are to be led (not controlled and manipulated, just for good measure) by those who would win in the elections, good luck and more patience and understanding to us until the next elections.
And for those who are returning to the normal life after years of public service, thank you for your public service.

How can anyone prepare for the consequences of adultery?
I cannot have all the answers to it but I can at least try to tell you what I think are ways to prepare from my own point of view.

First and foremost is your health. Infidelity’s most common consequence is health problems. It ranges from the simplest of venereal diseases to the most complicated such as AIDS. The first time I confirmed my husband’s infidelity was when I was forced to be confined to a hospital in the first years of our marriage because he gave me a venereal disease. I had to be treated and confined so that when I went home, I would be sure to heal physically. And after the healing came more pain. Pain that no matter what I do or how I handle it, I and my family would always be scarred by the fact that there is this piece of paper in a certain hospital that is evidence of infidelity. So it can be a secret that could possibly be dug up in the future and possibly destroy my offspring’s values and beliefs in the essence of marriage.

Next is privacy of family matters. Many men confide very private matters to those they commit infidelity to. Private family matters that can range from their family’s and spouse’s personal preferences, their finances and even some hidden wealth, their own personal preferences in just about anything, their and their family’s schedules, even their work secrets and woes. Which basically means just about anything. Not only that, when they go to places where they commit infidelity, they expose their wallets and other personal items to those they sleep with. That means, when they are exhausted and asleep, the person whom they committed adultery with can easily take photos of all the photos, credit and debit cards, receipts, contents of attache cases, laptops, tablets, mobile phones and other handhelds, and all other paraphernalia they take along with them while they commit adultery. Even all kinds of keys can be easily duplicated as they snore after committing adultery. And all these sources of personal information can be easily accessed while they are exhausted and asleep.

And that’s where the danger lies. When these kind of personal information are made available to those who covet them. Then the family’s privacy, security and well-being are put in peril.

How can this happen?

Simple.

The people, whether men or women, whom spouses sleep with, know other people or even possibly sleep with other people. If they want to cause trouble, all they have to do is find out where the family lives, which cars they drive around, and do some damage when no one is looking, to cite a few of the many ways they can cause trouble. What damage can be done? Car’s brakes or even its engine can be sabotaged at a time when they know the spouse would be using it. The house they live in can be entered when they are not around using the keys duplicated after committing adultery and the criminal spouse is sleeping. What are the things that can be done to the house? Surveillance cameras can be placed inside that would allow them to watch what the family is doing even to the extent of seeing them in the bathroom naked. These videos can be easily uploaded online and made money out of at pornographic sites. They could also use the house to have other men and women have sex inside it or drug sessions or even as simple as to spike the food inside with toxic substances.

Why would they do this when they are just people our spouses commit adultery with?

Because they do not have what we have and that’s what they want.

When your spouse is exhausted after committing adultery and possibly even a little bit intoxicated, the man or woman can easily ask your spouse to sign a piece of paper that your spouse would not even check the contents of because he or she is too exhausted. That piece of paper can say that your spouse is handing over this or that property to the one he or she committed adultery to. So that would mean, property that is supposed to be for you and your family would then become the property of that whom your spouse committed adultery with. How do I know this is possible? I tried it with my own husband. On one of the days he came home intoxicated after sleeping with his paid prostitute, I woke him up and told him to sign a piece of paper. And he did. When he woke up the next day, I asked him about it and he had no memory of signing anything. Try it with your spouse. You’ll be surprised by what he or she can do when intoxicated.

Previously I said adultery is an organized crime. And I would always stand by that because I know it for a fact.

For many years I kept my husband’s adultery a secret. It wasn’t only once. It was many times with many different kinds of women. From paid prostitutes to his old school friends, to people he worked with, and even with those in their organization. As I previously said, I wanted to protect my children from the truth. Because no matter what happens, I wanted them to grow up thinking and believing that their father was a person on integrity and values when it came to marriage. And that is what I want them to believe in until the time comes when they get married. So they too can practice and always strive for integrity in their relationships.

And then the organized crime came to our life, and things changed for the worst.

Because he had adulterous secrets, he was then used to keep others’ adulterous secrets too. Even to the point of helping others keep their illegitimate children from the public’s prying eyes and their own spouses’ trackers. At first it was manageable. Because they kept them away from us so they were never seen together physically. Then one day, one of the illegitimate children were made to live in the town near ours. So the problems started to pile on top of each other.

To be able to keep an illegitimate child and provide for their needs in secret, you would need a lot of people. In this case, the criminal spouse is a man, and the woman he committed adultery with bore a child. So, since they had to be kept in the town near ours, they needed a place to stay that would not encourage rumors and had the most number of conspirators. And that is where they were placed.

What are needed to provide for them while the woman continues to work without arousing suspicion that she is keeping an illegitimate child of a well-known and influential person? New furniture, new appliances, food and medicines on a regular grocery schedule, bills payments not under their name, and communication devices that cannot be tracked so everything has to be prepaid and numbers changed on a regular schedule, and a very good agreement with those who man the surveillance cameras in all stores to conveniently either remove the part where the woman or the child is recorded on video or to avert the camera to some other part of the store that doesn’t show the woman and/or the child.

All these need money. The spending of money can be easily tracked by spouses. How? Get your spouse’s payslip. If it is not available, contact the office where he or she works and ask how much your spouse earns. They would inform you of this because you are the real spouse. On an even a better note, get your spouse’s ITR (Income Tax Return) from their office and tell them you need it for your children’s school requirements or even your work application. Then compute your expenses based on all your monthly receipts versus the amount shown on your spouse’s payslip or ITR. Find all your spouse’s credit card bills and see which ones are household expenses and which ones are not. From there you would be able to find out if he or she is spending more than that which is stated in his payslip or is not spending as much and you don’t know where the money is. If he or she tells you it is in a savings account or some other investment, force him or her to produce the documents of such a savings or investment account.

This is how I found out my husband was continually committing adultery and was also helping another criminal spouse provide for his illegitimate child.

At first I didn’t care if he was helping the criminal spouse. It wasn’t my problem and I didn’t want to bother myself with it. But when the people in our town started talking about him buying groceries for a child on a regular basis whenever he went out to buy groceries for our family, I got incensed. Why? Because these people talk about it with other people and possible even around their own children. And their children talk to other children who eventually whisper around mine. And it was then that I knew that one of these days, my children would be told about it by one of their friends. Then my goal of keeping his adultery a secret so they would have good marriage values suddenly went down the drain.

For many years before I figured out the “organized crime” thing, I had always thought I had a problem about budgeting our expenses at home. Then when I figured it out I realized something. All those years that my husband had been criticizing me for spending too much on our water and electric bills, he was only doing it to hide the fact that he had given someone else the keys to our house and they get to use my appliances like the washing machine, the iron, the airconditioning and even our computers and gadgets when we were out on vacations or even for just the whole day, which inadvertently increased our utilities bills. Whenever I left the house and the cellphones were left in the house, they used them to make calls, text messages because details of text messages aren’t shown on billing statements, and even use the cellphones for connecting to the Internet. This caused our cellphone bills to increase and I was the one who had to make sure we could pay them using the monthly budget I was given by him. And more often than not, when I computed the expenses against the budget, it showed that we were overspending and I wasn’t doing well with the budgeting.

And I had no idea then that that was happening when we left the house even for just a few hours a day. That they also lie down on our beds or our couches and possibly even have sex in them while probably doing the laundry. How do I know? Because when I clean the house I get to sweep off a lot of p_bic hairs from the floors, and the tables and even chairs. I doubt those hairs came from any of us unless we walk around the house naked and pulling out those hairs like others do with their eyebrows. It’s disgusting and appalling.

It was hard enough that I had to keep his own illegitimate child a secret. Although it is much easier because the child lives very far from us then. But to have to attend my children’s events and hear the whispers around me about the child of another that he is taking care of that everyone thinks is his own is an additional pain that I didn’t want to bear. And that’s what happens. Every time we went out with our family, the child too went out with us in someone else’s care. They ate in the same places we ate in, shopped when we shopped, had fun in the resorts and arcades and other vacation spots we went to. It even came to the point where they would destroy something in my house like a gadget, an appliance or even furniture so that my husband would be forced to buy a new one and they would be able to buy a new one too using my husband’s credit card without arousing suspicion. I kept all these a secret all these years because I wanted my children spared of the truth.

These are the consequences you have to prepare for.

The consequences of the adultery of your own spouse and the consequences of having your own spouse be used by someone else to hide their own adulterous activities as part of the “organized crime” of adultery.

Some tell me why after knowing all these all these years I stayed married with him.
Well, here’s one example of someone who had a more humiliating experience than me but stayed married to her husband. A woman of influence was humiliated by her own influential husband when he was caught having a different kind of sex in the “highest” office in the land with another woman and was publicized for everyone to know and talk about.

Why she stayed married to him after that is a mystery to many.  But I am sure that unconditional love has a lot to do with it. And that’s how women are.

If we are influential women and slept with another man and it was publicized, would our spouses stay married to us? Probably not. They couldn’t not handle the fact that another bird has shit on their heads. But we women bear it all the time, repeatedly in fact. And more often than not we receive not even a single show of remorse from them.

I am not encouraging any of you to do the same thing I did. That is to return to the place you were married and ask your husband or wife to return your wedding ring to you and assure you that no matter how many women or men he sleeps with you would always be his wife or husband and the others are just toys. I don’t want any of you to have the same results as I did, that my husband left me alone in the place he vowed to stay married to me with my wedding ring not returned to my ring finger and without even the words “sorry” after the admission of adultery. I don’t want that to happen to any of you. In fact, I don’t think other women would be able to return to their normal selves after such pain from the very person whose secrets they have kept for so many years.

But I do want you to consider preparing for the consequences.

Write down all your property in a sheet of paper then check each and every one of them if they are all still in your or your spouse’s name.

Try to talk to people in your children’s school and inform them of your circumstances, so that should there be any possibility that an illegitimate child of your spouse or a relative of the illegitimate child would ask to be placed in the same school, whether as a student or an employee, they would be able to discreetly reject the application and save your children any undue agony of being in the same school as their illegitimate siblings or illegitimate relatives.

Inform your relatives of your circumstances. This would help your children when a sudden unforeseen event happens to you, they would be able to come to your help and even defend you. And if worse comes to worse, they could even shield you and your children from any harassment that would come from aggressive adulterers and their illegitimate children.

Have your last will and testaments for you and your spouse drafted with this clause or something similar, “any and all these properties (write down the properties if necessary) are to be divided among our legal children only (write down the names of your children). This clause in this last will and testament cannot be superseded by any other future last will and testaments.”

Have all your legal documents, from birth certificates to marriage certificates, school documents, real properties, bank and investment accounts and every other document stating you and your spouses’ properties be placed in organized folders or envelopes so that when you need it at any point in time they are all ready. If your papers are not complete, request for them already and have them prepared at all times.

Make an inventory of everything you own inside your house. From the small trinket displayed in your living room to the biggest appliances that you own.

Have your house locks changed regularly and never let your spouse stay in the house alone when you already know he or she is committing adultery.

And most of all, make sure that your wedding picture is on your social networking profiles. If possible ask your friends to repost them in their own social networking profiles so that if the adulterous people suddenly try to make everyone else think that they are the legal spouse, you and your whole social network can debunk anything they would have to say and show.

My husband still wears his wedding ring on his finger as a facade. My wedding ring is in my wallet and would be given to my children as inheritance in the future. I am ashamed to wear a wedding ring that came from him. But I know everyone already knows that he is lying about it and that no matter how many times his illegitimates pretend to be legitimate, everyone knows I am still the legitimate spouse.

However, there is nothing that is preventing me from wanting those annulment papers on my table. Why? Because knowing everything I know now, and after everything he made me go through during those years when I was still clueless and until the years when I figured out what was really happening, he does not deserve to stay married to me. He also does not deserve to be given any favors or benefits for being married to me. And if I had the money to file an annulment of our marriage, I would do so at the soonest possible time.

But I don’t. So he gets to stay married to me. And to me as an influencer, that is not a good thing. Because even if I don’t want him to get any favors or benefits from anyone, someone somewhere would try to give him some just to get to me. And that is not a good thing.

Those who want to see us together again say I should forgive him. I was told that the other couples who went through what we did were able to stay together because the adulterer was forgiven. Forgiveness is for those who ask for it. That is something he would never ask from me because he is not capable of admitting he made the biggest mistake of his life.

Instead of forgiveness I rearranged the office room he took from me in our house that he turned into his bedroom. What I did was I moved his small single bed that was our first bed after we got married and was staying in a small apartment in a far away province, and moved it beside the other door. Then I put a fence beside it composed of bookshelves. He now has a space to sleep in equivalent to the size of a single bed with two feet to his right and one foot to his left and the old TV at the shelf at the foot of his bed. Why did I do that? So that he would know how small he is now and how little love he deserves in this house after all the hurt and pain he gave me and his children all these years. \

Does he complain? No. When he is around other people he tries to put up a front and smiles or laughs. But inside I know he is hurting really bad, especially when you look into his eyes. But he gets back at me by not giving me the full budget we need to buy food, groceries and vitamins and our other expenses. This is because he has to have money left to pay for those credit card bills for the groceries, appliances and furniture of the illegitimate child and adulteress he is tasked to care for. Besides the fact that he also has to set aside money for his own illegitimate child. Because whether he likes it or not, the man responsible for it is having a hard time giving him the money to pay for them because his wife is watching his every move and expense.

This is exactly why I suggested in my previous post that handling the illegitimate children and the adulterers should be made into a legal business and not an organized crime. Because women like me have their families distraught and even destroyed because they do not know that their husbands are taking care of someone else’s mistakes sometimes, and our budgets are affected when our spouses have to use our own budgets to pay for the needs of the illegitimate children and adulterers they are tasked to care for, especially when the adulterers do not immediately pay them for the use of their credit cards.

Am I telling you to do the same thing I have done to my husband? No. I am simply explaining to you what the possible consequences of adultery are, and what the different ways of managing them afterwards are.

Do those I wrote above seem fantastic and unbelievable and untrue? Maybe so, but then again, maybe not.

Some choose to forgive and sweep it under the rug.
Some let their families get destroyed.
Some choose to pretend nothing wrong is happening and just grin and bear with the pain.

I choose to have my marriage annulled and I want him to file it instead of parading around and pretending that he is not at fault.
Because after all these years and everything I was made to go through by his adulterous activities, I never was given a single piece of evidence of remorse or even a promise that things would change and work out well. All these years since I became an influencer, he used it to help him gain favors and benefits from many different people and situations. In fact as of the most recent time we all went out together as a family, I was ridiculed by him in front of all our children from inside the car to the restaurant. That is not a show of remorse, that is evidence of pain manifested into bullying.

I am sure his adulteress was never treated this badly by him. In fact, whenever he leaves town to go to them, all they have to do is tell him what they want and he gives it to them without a whimper.

Do I deserve to still have this kind of relationship in my life and my children’s lives.
My answer is no.

Those who have the experience of their spouses commit adultery should, I believe, take the time to prepare for the consequences. Adultery is not a one-time thing. Once it is done, there is always the possibility of a repetition or even a life-long burden of illegitimates. Then there is also the element of the organized crime that might be forced upon spouses who commit adultery.

Those who know me and my circumstances say I am not strong enough to handle my household and family and keep it together. To them I say, let’s try to switch places for a year. You be in my soul and I be in your soul. Nobody should know we switched souls for they would only see that our bodies are the same. Then after a year, tell me if you were abusively treated by my husband and everyone around him in the same way they abusively treated me when nobody was looking, would you be able to say you are not strong enough?

My husband has many connections, People from high places to low places. Anywhere I go I can be manipulated to be somewhere or with someone and made to look like I am incompetent. But those who really know me, know who I really am and am capable of. And as far as I know, regardless of the many times my own spouse has made other people think and believe that I am incompetent so he could hide his own shortcomings, faults and mistakes and seem more superior to me, there is one thing I can always hold my head up high for.

In all our years of marriage I have never committed adultery nor exposed my children to those who would teach or encourage them to commit adultery in the future. I have kept my marriage vows and stayed with him through anything we have possibly have gone through including cleaning up his disgusting mess when he came home from one of his adulterous nights.

So when the day comes when that/those illegitimate child(ren) is shown to me because inheritance is to be taken from my dead husband, I would not hesitate to put the mother in jail for adultery and concubinage, and have the face of all his illegitimate children published in every possible print and virtual media with the explanation, “This is/are the illegitimate child(ren) of my dead husband who has appeared before us in court to ask for their share of their inheritance. If there is anyone who can disclaim that this is the child of my husband, kindly contact us and prove your paternity.” And I would make sure that wherever they go everyone would know they are his illegitimate children, even up to all the places they would apply for work. For until after his death, I do not want my children to be deprived of the fact that they are the legitimate children and that they were wronged by an adulterous father.  And there would be no way he would be able to defend himself and deny the truth that he committed adultery and concubinage. Then everyone would understand that I suffered a marriage wrought with adultery and concubinage.

These are but a few of the things that women in our country go through everyday/I am not trying to make spouses have disagreements with each other because of this post. On the contrary, I am encouraging spouses to talk to each other and help each other keep themselves from committing adultery. Because once it has been done, it is not easy to get out of it. The consequences are scary and irreversible. And the pain and distrust lingers even after it seems everything is okay again.

If the next generations would be able to change the way things are, then there would be less need to prepare for consequences. If you can see how much sleeping around with someone else after marriage just for the sake of pride and ego has destroyed your own parents and families, then when it’s your turn to be in a marriage, don’t sleep around. We cannot fix the damages of our past generations in our country because we were brought up to think that sleeping around is macho and should just be accepted by spouses unconditionally. But if you hate your parents for fighting or splitting up because of adultery, then don’t sleep with anyone else except your spouse when you get married.

Adultery is not macho or cool. Think of your parents doing it. Or what if someday you end up sleeping with one of the people your parents committed adultery with. What’s more worse is what if you find out your girlfriend or boyfriend is your parent’s illegitimate child after you have already had sex with each other?

There  are the many consequences and ways to prepare for the consequences of adultery. It wouldn’t hurt to think about it. And it also wouldn’t hurt to prevent your relationships from even reaching this phase.  And if you do reach this phase, it wouldn’t hurt to make amends for your mistakes instead of hiding and denying them all the time.

Don’t try to be like my husband or the others like him. Because one way or another your mistakes would catch up to you and when it does, it can become really ugly.

Adultery, concubinage or the breach of any similar contract pertaining to life-long relationships is never a simple matter that can be ignored. It destroys the very unit of society, the family.

The statistics in one country said that they have more children born by single mothers than mothers in a marriage. They said it was a reflection of women becoming more independent in bearing children out of wedlock, that they do not need to be in a marriage to have children. Does that statistic have any details of how many were born by single mothers who had those children by committing adultery?

Has it happened in your family? If it has, how has it affected your family and your relationships with other people? How has it affected the people you say you love?

It doesn’t hurt to ask yourself and find out the truth and consequences.

Years ago a strong woman told me that the only way you would ever get hurt is if you let others hurt you. She didn’t mean that physically. It meant that no matter how much others try to hurt you emotionally, you could always stay unaffected if you want to.

What is this about?

A friend of mine has been doing her best to catch her spouse and their shenanigans. So much so that she had sent a lot of people to hunt down the woman whom her husband is committing concubinage with.

Which prompted me to write this entry for a while, and then afterwards return to the paperwork I was previously doing.

Why would you want to hunt down someone who is apparently the cause of your pain? Wouldn’t it be rubbing salt on your wound? Why bother?

I say this not because I don’t think you should fight for your marriage but rather because I know how exhausting it is emotionally and psychologically to be affected by such circumstances. And honestly, it would give me so much pleasure to share, with not only to the someone who needed help but to everyone who has ever been cheated by their spouse, my thoughts and actions on the matter.

Ask yourself, why does it bother you? Is it because he doesn’t have the same affections and attention he used to give you? Is he neglecting his responsibilities with you, and your kids if you have any? Is he publicly humiliating you? Does everyone know what’s happening to you and him? Or are just a few of you know?

My husband committed adultery. Not once but many times. In fact I have my own medical record to prove one of them. But I kept quiet for so many years because I came from the traditional way of handling such. To keep your dirty laundry hidden from everyone else who didn’t know and put up a front that nothing was wrong.

You see, adultery is an organized crime. Those who commit it have everyone kept quiet of the crime because they know that when the time comes that they commit the same mistake, they could rely on others to keep quiet too as they have. And those who have a tendency to squeal would either be bribed or repeatedly threatened to keep quiet. Which is why I suggested previously that cleaning up evidences of adultery should be turned into a legal business. Because it is easier to control it that way. Why? Because with adultery as an organized crime these are the possible ways of it happening.

- They have a regular schedule to meet and commit adultery
- They have a variable place to meet and commit adultery or have a regular one where the people are paid to keep quiet, which can be a nearby place or even out of town, a rented place, or even a friend’s house when the friend is not there
- If and when there comes an offspring from the adultery they could
   >> have the girl and the child leave the country
   >> have the girl and the child leave town
   >> have the girl and the child be taken cared of by someone else, whether a relative or not, with a backstory that some other guy got her pregnant and abandoned her
   >> have the girl and child be placed in a place where they would be inaccessible to the real spouse
   >> to avoid any paper trail on spending for the girl, with or without the child, cash is used or someone else’s credit card which is then repaid in either installments so the amount is not noticeable by the spouse, or is said to be business expenses where clients are entertained in various places
   >> the possible sources of alternative credit cards are either friends, co-workers, subordinates, or anyone they could bully into allowing them to use it to pay for their girl’s wants
   >> when the girl needs money or wants to buy something, the message is sent through various people who are aware of the affair, and with technology as it is, it is definitely easier to get a new prepaid sim card everytime and be contacted there anytime

It is such an organized crime that when the spouse belongs to an organization (i.e. any formal group that is used for educational, social or civic purposes), the organization becomes a hiding place for all wrongdoings. How so? Well, since an organization can have a lot of people with it who either own places that can be used to commit adultery, they could easily go there and consumnate their urges. Here’s an example, if one of their friends in the organization owns a place where going naked is totally acceptable, like a sauna or spa, then it would be easy to say to you that they are going to the spa. The girl is instructed to go there and pretend to be working there and enter the room with no questions asked. What’s the usual number of minutes for a massage session? An hour or more is the usual. And no one outside the spa would be the wiser. No one inside the spa would say anything because it is owned by people from their organization and is known to be used for such activities. And you wouldn’t question it because it is a regular way for him to relax.

Here’s another way for them to give to the girl what she wants. When the girl wants to go shopping, one of the people from the organization takes a video of the girl choosing what she wants. Then the video and price is sent to your spouse. The spouse makes arrangements for someone’s credit card to be used to buy the item. The spouse then simply says to you that he spent the money drinking with his friends.

How do I know this?
Oh I know more than these. And I won’t tell how I know. But these are facts that we go through for those who have spouses who commit adultery. I studied all of them throughout the years because I wanted to find out the different alibis they use on us, supposedly unsuspecting spouses.

Why am I not going vengeful on this? Why am I not being bothered by it?
Because I chose not to be bothered.

You see, whether men admit it or not, MOST, not all, of those who commit adultery have a certain amount of insecurity within them. They have to do it because they have to show others that regardless of their age and performance they are still studs. They can’t do that with their own wives because everyone knows they have already conquered their wives. It has to be someone new who could show everyone that they could still get it on. It’s a guy thing, you know, ego stuff. Not only that, you also have to look at the background of your spouse.

Why? Try to find out where he got his first time. If his first time is with a professional, which means a woman whose profession is sleeping with men for a price, or a woman who is old and experienced. Then that means one way or another, there would come a time when you say no to what he wants you to do, he would look for someone else to do it for him. Tell me, would you allow yourself to be torn into so many pieces inside and out just to please your husband who would never be really pleased because he is always fantasizing about his first time with a professional who didn’t care about whatever is done to her body by her customers? Would you be able to look at your reflection and say that you still have some dignity left after giving in to what he wants? Think about it.

Do you need to feel the pain by hunting for them? When you see them, what would you do? Would you go ballistic on them? Why waste your time and effort on someone who is definitely not worth it.

Why do I say this?

Simple.

If your husband is really serious about her, then he would file for annulment and whatever it takes to get out of your marriage. He wouldn’t mind the amount he would spend or the publicity the annulment would generate to him, your family, your careers, your lives. Then you would know that he is serious. But while he is still married to you, then whoever it is he is committing adultery with is just a toy to him. No matter how many times he commits adultery, they would only be just toys to play with. And of course, they have to constantly be told how important or how much they are cared for so that they would continually do their “service” to your husband. Part of their “how to keep your toy satisfied so your toy would satisfy you” strategy. Keep in mind that we live in a country where having “extra” activities is applauded and tolerated.

I’ll share with you a little secret. In my previous entry I said that my husband is staying in our spare room ever since we had the adultery fight.

How far did I go with that adultery fight?
I forced him to talk with me at the place we got married in and asked him to choose to either leave me and my wedding ring there or apologize to me and promise never to do it again. He chose to leave me and my wedding ring. Since then I told myself that I wouldn’t let myself be bothered anymore. It took a while but I did it.

He didn’t come home for a week after that fight. Then when he did come home he knew he wasn’t welcome anymore, not even by our own children.

Now every time he comes home I laugh inwardly. Why? Because after all these years of keeping quiet about his activities and I got fed up, I have proven this. That of all the women he has committed adultery with, none of them wants him to come home to them and do his laundry and ironing for him. Which means that although he has slept with them, they also used him and don’t really love or even care about him. For none of them wants to do anything for him outside the sex. Which basically means, when he cannot provide the sex anymore and the money and the other material things he gives them, they would slowly gravitate towards someone else and leave him hanging. Then he would then again and again look for someone else who would be able to provide him the satisfaction he craves everytime they leave him. Then the time would come when he would look at his own reflection and see that he wasted his life on people and things that would eventually lead to his own pain and sadness.
For regret comes late in life, always.

Why am I not bothered by this? Why do I think you should not bother yourself with the circumstances surrounding you now? Because life has a way of balancing everything around us. If we let it get to us, we miss being able to do the things we want because we are always depressing ourselves with how others want to give us pain.

If you have money go and have fun with your other friends or start your own business to keep you busy. An idle mind is not a nice thing to have. It gives you a lot of time to think of things that would eventually gnaw at you.

Until this very day and until my last breath I would be waiting for my husband to have the balls to give me annulment papers to formalize his decision to leave me and my wedding ring at the place where we got married in front of so many people. Why? Because it would mean he has decided to throw us away for something else. And that, for me, is something to look forward to. Why would I look forward to that? Because by then it would mean he would not be living in my house anymore and causing confusion and pain in my children’s lives. For I do not want my children to live in a house where they would be constantly reminded of a father who chose someone else over their own mother. He would always deny that mistake to them but I know when he dies in the future, someone would appear at his funeral that would prove me correct and would cause additional grief to our children. Then I would see my children lose the respect they have for their father when it would be too late for him to try to regain it.

How about you? Do you think your husband is serious enough about the girl and their offspring, if any, to have your marriage annuled? I don’t think he is serious about her because he is still doing a lot of effort to keep them from you. Because if he isn’t, then he is just playing with his toy.
And if you are threatened by their having an offspring, try to handle it another way. The moment your husband dies when you are already both very old and the offspring appears to get some inheritance, you can always have the other woman punished for adultery and concubinage. What’s your proof? The offspring of course! If the offspring wants some moolah when your husband is dead, then the offspring has to accept the fact that he/she is going to lose his/her mother’s presence. After all, your children lost their father’s presence while the illegitimate child was being made and reared. Fair enough?

Come to think of it, what would be a nice addition to adultery and concubinage laws is this.

“Even if the woman or the man who is supposed to be punished for committing adultery is already dead, the fees for damages caused by the adultery should be paid by the children sired by the adulterous activity.”

So, if the illegitimate child is already an adult by the time you find them, the adulterer and/or the illegitimate child should pay you for emotional, psychological, etc, damages brought about by the adultery. Something like, a computation of all the property bought for them by your husband should be made and be considered your property not theirs. All the money spent on them all those years should be deducted from any inheritance due to the illegitimate child. And if the illegitimate child is already an adult, he/she should not be given any inheritance anymore because they do not need to be taken cared of as they can already work for themselves. These are the kinds of things that laws should be amended with and not the introduction of divorce laws that allows the criminals to escape. How about this, for each time the spouse committed adultery, the spouse should be paid a lump sum.

You know what would also be a nice thing to have? To have someone anonymous to put up a website with the purpose of helping spouses catch adulters or curtail it before it happens. Where anyone can anonymously upload videos of anyone about to or in the act of committing adultery.

I have a video of my husband committing adultery. It was given to me indirectly by his friends who were manning the CCTVs at the place where he made one of his many mistakes. I also have my medical record. But I keep it away from prying eyes until the day I could use it. Why? Because I would rather that my children do not see it.

But if someone would be able to put up that website, and diligently keep it confidential and secure from prying eyes, then I would be able to upload the file there for safekeeping. So that in the future, when we are both dead, and someone would appear to ask for inheritance as an illegitimate offspring, the video could be used as proof of identity besides the paternity results. For in my eyes, there is only one reason why anyone would want to have children with my husband or anyone’s husband or wife. For the inheritance. And I definitely do not want some undeserving people to have their hand on what we leave behind.

So you see, adultery is not a simple thing. It has many consequences. But you should not bother yourself with the thought that he doesn’t love you anymore that’s why he is committing adultery. The worry is not worth it.

And if you are envious of the sex, then when he comes home demand it from him. Something like this, “Are you done playing outside? Take a shower, it’s my turn to play.” Then when he can’t get it up anymore, wake him up early the next  day and get it from him, even if you have to be the one on top. Why? Well, if you tire him out first, then he wouldn’t have much energy for the next bouts, right?  So the other woman would have to work harder to get it up, which means more work for her. Let her earn her keep that way, as naughty as the idea may seem. After all, you have more right to him than anyone else. And if women are supposed to submit to their husbands, it wouldn’t hurt for us to make them realize they have to submit to us too.

However, be prepared for what may come in the future. Protect whatever is for your children. Especially since the other girl knows you have a lot of money. That in itself is reason to get pregnant. For they know that they would be able to extort from him anytime they want to.

Don’t be bothered by emotions. Be bothered by preparations for the consequences.

And since I have started this site, I have come to realize that I have slowly become an influencer, however direct or indirect it may be. Which is why keeping my identity is important to me. Because when my identity is known, then the harassment would come.

In recent years, I have had the privilege of meeting and becoming friends with someone who understood my thoughts on how to improve the things around me that I see and go through as an ordinary person. It was then that she warned me that someday, when they find out who I was, I would eventually be harassed to influence some sectors of society because only a few wanted something for themselves. And recently I found that to be true.

For the past year, since I wrote about the divorce law, I noticed a change in my life. More and more people have started noticing my blog entry and have started talking about it in various venues. At first I thought it was flattering. Then slowly it became apparent to me that when you can influence a lot of people to think differently about something, the pressure to influence the changers of the laws through the power of writing comes into he picture.

I still am not for the divorce law to be passed. Why?
As I have stated previously, the reasons are clear in my previous blog entry. However, I think it needs more than just that to justify my stand.

In our country we are not preventive. We are reactive most of the time. That means we seldom plan in detail and implement detailed plans. We usually have things done haphazardly for as long as we can get away with it then when something bad happens, that’s the time we try to fix the things that should have been fixed ahead of time.

Why do I say this?

We want divorce but we are not willing to invest in reproductive health in a big way. Meaning, we want to get out of relationships because we saw something nicer but we do not want to be responsible for how many children the divorcees would be leaving with a broken family. And I think in our country, we wouldn’t really care if we get the first wife pregnant every year, divorce her after a decade, then do the same thing with succeeding wives. If you want divorce to be an option then children should be taught about condoms and pills. So that when they are older they wouldn’t be forced to marry the first girl they had sex with because she got pregnant then file for divorce after a few years just because it is an option. Or that if the married couple really didn’t know each other well enough, then they should be given options to prevent frequent pregnancies.

We want divorce but we are not willing to instill in our people the very essence of commitment. The moment we allow divorce as a viable “escape plan” for people in our country, we allow them to get into commitments haphazardly too, without reading the fine print or understanding the implications of the contract. The only reason why we are said to be different from animals is because we have the conscious effort to make our own decisions based on logical thinking and not animal instinct for the sake of survival. That means, we stick to one partner, reproduce from only one partner, and die with only one partner. Why is this important? Because the world of man revolves around the strength of commitments. If we start a generation where we are able to tell our children that you have to honor every contract and agreement you make in life but you can always weasel your way out of a marriage, then how would we help them un-confuse themselves with that piece of knowledge?

We want divorce but we are not willing to instill in our people the importance of preparation and planning. Before getting married, did we take the time to really know each other? Before getting married did we take the time to discuss with each other our plans? our wants? our expectations? our specific roles? what to do when things and such arises? We don’t usually. It is only after many years of being married that we find out. Why? Because our country values the importance of virginity than longevity. By that I mean, we would rather have our children marry because they cannot have pre-marital sex even if they have nothing in common but their sexual urges. But we do not take the time to discuss with them the implications, the long-term consequences and repercussions of a marriage.

There are so many reasons why I do not want the divorce law. And it is not because I don’t want to be un-married. In fact, I would rather my husband would not return to our house anymore after committing adultery. Why? Because if you cannot honor an agreement witnessed by so many people by keeping your zipper closed at all times when with other people, then why should you even allow your own children to see that they too can do the same mistake when they are older and then return home unapologetic and crass and expect to be treated the same way as if nothing happened? By returning home after adultery, you destroyed two things. The sanctity of your marriage, and the values of your children.

I do not want the divorce law in our country because it is an escape plan for few and a burden for the majority. If you plan to have a divorce eventually, then get married in some other country where it is legalized. But do not force the influencers of this country to agree to the divorce law by harassing them, bribing them, making them experience what it is like to want divorce because the marriage has been destroyed by some act or other.

And if you want the divorce law because you want to get out of your current marriage, then that is your problem. Try to look at yourself and your intentions.

Laws are made to protect values. These laws come in many forms and from many sources. They can be a country’s laws, a school’s handbook of rules and regulations, a book of rules of a specific faith, or a simple unwritten rule in a common playground that everyone knows and follows without question.

With our country’s culture, what values are important to the majority?

In marriage vows in our country, is there a line or a paragraph that says,
“in the event of a breach of contract by either the husband or the wife, the immediate resolution is the dissolution of the marriage. However, if the husband and wife would prefer arbitration to resolve differences and points of conflict, the venue for arbitration is the nearest marriage counselling center.”

There isn’t.

The vows say that husband and wife shall stay married, “for better or for worst, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part.”

That means when one of you gets really sick, like some venereal disease or AIDS, you have to care for the other even if it disgusts you. That means when one of you is an alcoholic or drug addict or a habitual gambler, the other has to accept it and help you get rehabilitated and never give up until your last breath. It sucks, I know, but that is the definition of commitment for a marriage in our country. Do these realities make me rethink my stand of saying no to the divorce law? No.

What does death mean to us?

For myself, the moment I was able to confirm that my husband committed adultery, he died to me. But the word death in the vows mean physical death. That means, even if I think and feel and treat him as dead, I am still literally and technically married to him because he is still alive. And his act of adultery is what he says makes him feel alive, which I know is also the same sentiment of other men who commit adultery. That it helps them feel alive. But in the process of their maintaining their feeling of being alive, deaths occur on the other side of their life. The death of their integrity in keeping their commitment to their spouse, death of their integrity to their children in keeping them safe from anyone who aims to destroy the basic unit of life which is the family, and the death of their own personal integrity for themselves.

Presently, he is staying in the spare room in our house that is supposed to be a home office. Which means he has all the opportunities to let someone inside the room without me and our children finding out about any of it. He could have a drug session there, an orgy, or just come home from work and wait for us to fall asleep so he could let in his mistress or even their illegitimate children and they could sleep together there under the same roof our children are in. If any of you were in my place, would you want your husband to come home to your house, be seen by your children sleeping in a different room and possibly even be caught with someone else? This is why I don’t want him to come home anymore. Because I already know he is weak and would eventually not be able to keep our house clean of any such activities and people. How then would I be able to maintain the values of my children if they see such foul acts from their own father in their own home? How many of my countrymen have the same situation? Where their spouse is able to bring home people that would compromise their children’s values? Yes, it has come to this point where the pressure to agree to have the divorce law passed is being made in my own household just to see how long it would take before I give in to the pressure. I know one of these days I would be made to see something inside that room that I don’t want to see just to force me to agree to the divorce law.

Which is why many spouses, both men and women, who think and feel they have found someone better than their spouse, want to have the divorce law passed. And then what? When they are able to divorce their current wife or husband, what’s to stop them from divorcing succeeding spouses on a whim? Then what would be the definition of the basic unit of a family in our country? Would it be the husband, the current wife, and the collection of children from the first wife to the current wife? Would it be the current husband, the wife, and the collection of children from the first husband to the current husband? How are we going to include this new definition of a family tree into the school curricula? Then we would also need to have all the textbooks for character education rewritten to include the word divorce and the structure of such. Which prompts me to ask, could we actually include the word divorce in character education books in our country?

Sadly in our country, we tolerate adultery. Although it is a crime, a marriage cannot be dissolved with the crime of adultery. There would only be punishment, but while the punishment is being enforced, the couple are still legally married to each other.

In many situations, spouses get back together after many kinds of conflicts. But that only happens when the spouse that caused the conflict apologizes profusely and makes a continuous effort to change and never let the offence happen again. In our country, that usually only happens in movies and television shows. In real life it is a rarity. Why? Because our culture dictates that the spouse should never own up to their mistake since everyone around them would never rat them out anyway.

Which prompts me to ask this.

If I was to ask those who want the divorce law passed to submit a full report of the economic implications of the divorce law, would they be able to give it? what should the report contain? All the computations and figures needed to prove that the divorce law would not have any effect statistically on societal structures, all types of health concerns, mortality rates, education performance results, population needs, and all other census data. Which I think should be a good method of objectively deciding to pass any kind of law, with the help of figures. Simply because numbers don’t lie.

Do you want the divorce law to be passed because you messed up your marriage vows and want to escape?

Or do you want the divorce law because you believe with all your mind, heart and soul that it would lead to the improvement of our country, our people, our economy, our society and our over-all performance as a nation?

Think about it.