Peace from Within

Posted by shush

May 27, 2015

What does it take to have peace from within?
Some say you have to meditate.
Some say you have to do some really mind boggling and body twisting exercises to gain control of your whole body and have that certain sense of peace inside that makes you feel calm.
Some have to go on journeys of soul searching to gain this so-called peace from within.

There are many ways.
However, let me share my way of gaining it and maybe it could be applicable to someone else who needs it.
I talk to myself.

The things that bother a person are the things that go through a person’s mind. Everything that a person feels, fears, gets annoyed at, makes a person angry, and other such feelings and emotions are all controlled by the mind. Only because we let it. Over the years since my childhood, I have learned to talk to myself, or rather my mind when I am bothered by something. These are called coping mechanisms. Except of course when that emotion is triggered by a chemical reaction from any form of medication or food intake, then that is a different matter altogether. But if it is simply caused by the everyday things that happen to me, I just talk to myself.

It seems silly and weird, but when I try to talk to myself, my own logical and illogical way of thinking responds so much so that I eventually get to sort things out by myself.

Here is an example.

On an ordinary day, I suddenly get to be reminded of an irritable memory that happened years ago, because something happened on that day that was similar to that irritable memory. Then my mind went on this seemingly endless barrage of memories that were also irritating followed by thoughts of what-ifs. What if I said this or that. What if I did this or that. What if I just went somewhere else or went with someone else.

Then I talk to myself and tell myself these very words,

“Why? What’s wrong? You seem so restless? Is it worth your time thinking about this or could you just think about something else? Because I have better things to think of right now than what you want me to think about.”

Why do I do this?
Because what happened in the past is past. What hurt you in the past is past. It cannot hurt you anymore now unless you let it.

There are those who do things to their bodies to forget the past. They drink, they do drugs, they gorge their bodies with anything new that would either numb their minds to numb their feelings or make their thinking so fuzzy, the bad memories would just become fuzzy too. But they really do not address the problem. They simply glaze over it so it would go away for a while. When it returns, they again drink, do drugs or try things to numb their minds. And when they wake up in the morning, they realize nothing has changed.

The past haunts us because we do not want to change it. We want it to stay with us. The only way to let go of the past is to leave it there. And when the opportunity in the future arrives for a person to be able to fix a past mistake, then grab the opportunity to receive closure. The mind is like a search engine of memories. When you see something anywhere anytime, your mind would suddenly remind you of whatever it is that jives with what you see. Then you have to remind the mind to stay in the present, in the current life, in the current situation. So you would have been able to control your mind to do what you want and it would do as you have commanded.

Here is a simple exercise.
Sit down anywhere, whether in a quiet place or a noisy place. Then try to listen to your thoughts or everyone around you. What can you hear? Do you hear their words in your mind? Are you reminded of something with the words that you hear? Then try to control what you hear and think of only those words that pleases you. Are you able to do so? Or are all the words jumbled in your mind that it is hard to concentrate on only the nice words?

Then try to go to a quiet place where no one is around to disturb you or your thoughts. Sit down and let your mind and thoughts wander. Does it think about nice things or irritable things? Or can you make it think about a big blank space with nothing in it, like a sheet of writing paper with nothing in it, not even a single dot.

Many would say they cannot do this. But the truth is, everyone is powerful enough to do this. For to talk to yourself so your mind would only give you peace from within is a power everyone has, but very few actually use. To talk to your mind is the same as having a conversation with someone else. When you talk to someone else, where do you bring the conversation? Do you talk about things that would make things worse? Or do you talk about things that would make things better?

Do the same thing to your mind. Talk to it like you would anyone else. But be in control of the conversation. When you mind starts to think about things that would make you feel hurt from hurtful memories, talk to it and try your best to be reminded of nicer things in life.
It is difficult to do so at first, but when you have learned to treat yourself and your mind as another person altogether when it comes to being reminded of past hurts and pains, then it would be easier to talk to yourself and teach your mind to leave the past in the past.

Then when in the present you are given the opportunity to fix a past mistake and you are already capable of fixing such a mistake, then fix the mistake, make it well, and your mind would be told that you have fixed the mistake. The hurtful past memories would then be replaced by closure.

Honestly, I still wake up in the morning with so much hate inside me especially when my mind is reminded of something not nice while I am asleep. Then I just talk to it and say what I wrote above.

Waking up in the morning is a daily opportunity to make life better for ourselves and others. If we wake up each morning thinking that it is a day when we could cause a lot of pain and hurt for other people because we ourselves were given a lot of pain and hurt by others in the past, then we teach our minds to stay in the past instead of moving to better things in and for the future.

And even if that person who caused you a lot of pain and hurt in the past is right beside you when you wake up, try to look at that person differently. Think of whoever it was that caused that person so much pain and hurt that has stayed in that person’s mind until the present. Then try not to be the same as that person who caused so much pain and hurt so that you would not be a reminder of that person’s cause of pain and hurt.

Here is a short tale on this.
I have a childhood friend who married someone whose mother was a secret drunkard, drug user and gambler. Everyone was told that their mother was always away on a trip for work and usually came home the next day or a couple of days later. They grew up being taken cared of by their relatives who didn’t care much for them and didn’t have values. So they brought their men and/or women to their house and was very blatantly sexual in front of the young children and teens, and used swear words every so often that the young children and teens grew up thinking they were words that were part of everyday grammar. Until one day, their mother came home and told the children she was marrying their male servant, and the children couldn’t do anything but agree. Things got worse as the drinking and gambling was openly done in their home with the ex-male servant who had become their mother’s husband had gained control of their home and turned it into a drinking and gambling place while their mother went to work and drank somewhere else before coming home from work when the kids were already asleep. Then one day their mother died of liver cirrhosis. And everyone wondered where she got it when she had lived a very clean life. Everyone wondered because even the children knew nothing about it, until it was too late. And when she had gone they found out that she had gambled away their home, their inheritances and their small family business.
My childhood friend knew nothing of this before they got married. So for many years they had a very gruesome relationship. Until one day, someone from the past told my friend this story. And when the truth came out, there was understanding. From then on, my friend laid low. The spouse was made to shine and look good to everyone in their life. My friend made the spouse gain as much real confidence as possible. But old hurts and pains do not go away if you stay with the same people. And the spouse stayed with the same people who tolerated the pain and the hurt by drinking, doing drugs, and other things that would numb the mind, despite my friend’s efforts to remove those people from their lives. Until one day my friend said goodbye without being able to help the spouse be healed from the past hurts and pains that almost destroyed their lives.

It would be easy to stay or that we could just send someone to heal someone’s past hurts and pains. But it’s not true. It’s not real. For we cannot get rid of past hurts and pains if we cling to them and we cling to the same people who help us tolerate it or try to numb it temporarily with various kinds of vices. We have to talk to ourselves. That is, if we want to get rid of past hurts and pains. But if we don’t, then we would wake up each morning for the rest of our lives continuously licking wounds that should have turned into scabs and scars a long time ago. So that we could simply look at them in the present and be reminded that we survived them and are better than we were then.

Wouldn’t you want to be licking something more pleasant than decades old wounds?

Now try to visualize it with your mind. You literally licking a decades old wound with a variety of pus oozing from it versus literally licking something tasty for your taste buds and nutritious for your body and mind.

Which do you prefer to keep in mind?

Keeping Safe, Momhood, Self Improvement

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