If You Don’t Let Them
I wasn’t planning on posting an entry on my blog tonight but someone needed some help.
Years ago a strong woman told me that the only way you would ever get hurt is if you let others hurt you. She didn’t mean that physically. It meant that no matter how much others try to hurt you emotionally, you could always stay unaffected if you want to.
What is this about?
A friend of mine has been doing her best to catch her spouse and their shenanigans. So much so that she had sent a lot of people to hunt down the woman whom her husband is committing concubinage with.
Which prompted me to write this entry for a while, and then afterwards return to the paperwork I was previously doing.
Why would you want to hunt down someone who is apparently the cause of your pain? Wouldn’t it be rubbing salt on your wound? Why bother?
I say this not because I don’t think you should fight for your marriage but rather because I know how exhausting it is emotionally and psychologically to be affected by such circumstances. And honestly, it would give me so much pleasure to share, with not only to the someone who needed help but to everyone who has ever been cheated by their spouse, my thoughts and actions on the matter.
Ask yourself, why does it bother you? Is it because he doesn’t have the same affections and attention he used to give you? Is he neglecting his responsibilities with you, and your kids if you have any? Is he publicly humiliating you? Does everyone know what’s happening to you and him? Or are just a few of you know?
My husband committed adultery. Not once but many times. In fact I have my own medical record to prove one of them. But I kept quiet for so many years because I came from the traditional way of handling such. To keep your dirty laundry hidden from everyone else who didn’t know and put up a front that nothing was wrong.
You see, adultery is an organized crime. Those who commit it have everyone kept quiet of the crime because they know that when the time comes that they commit the same mistake, they could rely on others to keep quiet too as they have. And those who have a tendency to squeal would either be bribed or repeatedly threatened to keep quiet. Which is why I suggested previously that cleaning up evidences of adultery should be turned into a legal business. Because it is easier to control it that way. Why? Because with adultery as an organized crime these are the possible ways of it happening.
- They have a regular schedule to meet and commit adultery
- They have a variable place to meet and commit adultery or have a regular one where the people are paid to keep quiet, which can be a nearby place or even out of town, a rented place, or even a friend’s house when the friend is not there
- If and when there comes an offspring from the adultery they could
>> have the girl and the child leave the country
>> have the girl and the child leave town
>> have the girl and the child be taken cared of by someone else, whether a relative or not, with a backstory that some other guy got her pregnant and abandoned her
>> have the girl and child be placed in a place where they would be inaccessible to the real spouse
>> to avoid any paper trail on spending for the girl, with or without the child, cash is used or someone else’s credit card which is then repaid in either installments so the amount is not noticeable by the spouse, or is said to be business expenses where clients are entertained in various places
>> the possible sources of alternative credit cards are either friends, co-workers, subordinates, or anyone they could bully into allowing them to use it to pay for their girl’s wants
>> when the girl needs money or wants to buy something, the message is sent through various people who are aware of the affair, and with technology as it is, it is definitely easier to get a new prepaid sim card everytime and be contacted there anytime
It is such an organized crime that when the spouse belongs to an organization (i.e. any formal group that is used for educational, social or civic purposes), the organization becomes a hiding place for all wrongdoings. How so? Well, since an organization can have a lot of people with it who either own places that can be used to commit adultery, they could easily go there and consumnate their urges. Here’s an example, if one of their friends in the organization owns a place where going naked is totally acceptable, like a sauna or spa, then it would be easy to say to you that they are going to the spa. The girl is instructed to go there and pretend to be working there and enter the room with no questions asked. What’s the usual number of minutes for a massage session? An hour or more is the usual. And no one outside the spa would be the wiser. No one inside the spa would say anything because it is owned by people from their organization and is known to be used for such activities. And you wouldn’t question it because it is a regular way for him to relax.
Here’s another way for them to give to the girl what she wants. When the girl wants to go shopping, one of the people from the organization takes a video of the girl choosing what she wants. Then the video and price is sent to your spouse. The spouse makes arrangements for someone’s credit card to be used to buy the item. The spouse then simply says to you that he spent the money drinking with his friends.
How do I know this?
Oh I know more than these. And I won’t tell how I know. But these are facts that we go through for those who have spouses who commit adultery. I studied all of them throughout the years because I wanted to find out the different alibis they use on us, supposedly unsuspecting spouses.
Why am I not going vengeful on this? Why am I not being bothered by it?
Because I chose not to be bothered.
You see, whether men admit it or not, MOST, not all, of those who commit adultery have a certain amount of insecurity within them. They have to do it because they have to show others that regardless of their age and performance they are still studs. They can’t do that with their own wives because everyone knows they have already conquered their wives. It has to be someone new who could show everyone that they could still get it on. It’s a guy thing, you know, ego stuff. Not only that, you also have to look at the background of your spouse.
Why? Try to find out where he got his first time. If his first time is with a professional, which means a woman whose profession is sleeping with men for a price, or a woman who is old and experienced. Then that means one way or another, there would come a time when you say no to what he wants you to do, he would look for someone else to do it for him. Tell me, would you allow yourself to be torn into so many pieces inside and out just to please your husband who would never be really pleased because he is always fantasizing about his first time with a professional who didn’t care about whatever is done to her body by her customers? Would you be able to look at your reflection and say that you still have some dignity left after giving in to what he wants? Think about it.
Do you need to feel the pain by hunting for them? When you see them, what would you do? Would you go ballistic on them? Why waste your time and effort on someone who is definitely not worth it.
Why do I say this?
Simple.
If your husband is really serious about her, then he would file for annulment and whatever it takes to get out of your marriage. He wouldn’t mind the amount he would spend or the publicity the annulment would generate to him, your family, your careers, your lives. Then you would know that he is serious. But while he is still married to you, then whoever it is he is committing adultery with is just a toy to him. No matter how many times he commits adultery, they would only be just toys to play with. And of course, they have to constantly be told how important or how much they are cared for so that they would continually do their “service” to your husband. Part of their “how to keep your toy satisfied so your toy would satisfy you” strategy. Keep in mind that we live in a country where having “extra” activities is applauded and tolerated.
I’ll share with you a little secret. In my previous entry I said that my husband is staying in our spare room ever since we had the adultery fight.
How far did I go with that adultery fight?
I forced him to talk with me at the place we got married in and asked him to choose to either leave me and my wedding ring there or apologize to me and promise never to do it again. He chose to leave me and my wedding ring. Since then I told myself that I wouldn’t let myself be bothered anymore. It took a while but I did it.
He didn’t come home for a week after that fight. Then when he did come home he knew he wasn’t welcome anymore, not even by our own children.
Now every time he comes home I laugh inwardly. Why? Because after all these years of keeping quiet about his activities and I got fed up, I have proven this. That of all the women he has committed adultery with, none of them wants him to come home to them and do his laundry and ironing for him. Which means that although he has slept with them, they also used him and don’t really love or even care about him. For none of them wants to do anything for him outside the sex. Which basically means, when he cannot provide the sex anymore and the money and the other material things he gives them, they would slowly gravitate towards someone else and leave him hanging. Then he would then again and again look for someone else who would be able to provide him the satisfaction he craves everytime they leave him. Then the time would come when he would look at his own reflection and see that he wasted his life on people and things that would eventually lead to his own pain and sadness.
For regret comes late in life, always.
Why am I not bothered by this? Why do I think you should not bother yourself with the circumstances surrounding you now? Because life has a way of balancing everything around us. If we let it get to us, we miss being able to do the things we want because we are always depressing ourselves with how others want to give us pain.
If you have money go and have fun with your other friends or start your own business to keep you busy. An idle mind is not a nice thing to have. It gives you a lot of time to think of things that would eventually gnaw at you.
Until this very day and until my last breath I would be waiting for my husband to have the balls to give me annulment papers to formalize his decision to leave me and my wedding ring at the place where we got married in front of so many people. Why? Because it would mean he has decided to throw us away for something else. And that, for me, is something to look forward to. Why would I look forward to that? Because by then it would mean he would not be living in my house anymore and causing confusion and pain in my children’s lives. For I do not want my children to live in a house where they would be constantly reminded of a father who chose someone else over their own mother. He would always deny that mistake to them but I know when he dies in the future, someone would appear at his funeral that would prove me correct and would cause additional grief to our children. Then I would see my children lose the respect they have for their father when it would be too late for him to try to regain it.
How about you? Do you think your husband is serious enough about the girl and their offspring, if any, to have your marriage annuled? I don’t think he is serious about her because he is still doing a lot of effort to keep them from you. Because if he isn’t, then he is just playing with his toy.
And if you are threatened by their having an offspring, try to handle it another way. The moment your husband dies when you are already both very old and the offspring appears to get some inheritance, you can always have the other woman punished for adultery and concubinage. What’s your proof? The offspring of course! If the offspring wants some moolah when your husband is dead, then the offspring has to accept the fact that he/she is going to lose his/her mother’s presence. After all, your children lost their father’s presence while the illegitimate child was being made and reared. Fair enough?
Come to think of it, what would be a nice addition to adultery and concubinage laws is this.
“Even if the woman or the man who is supposed to be punished for committing adultery is already dead, the fees for damages caused by the adultery should be paid by the children sired by the adulterous activity.”
So, if the illegitimate child is already an adult by the time you find them, the adulterer and/or the illegitimate child should pay you for emotional, psychological, etc, damages brought about by the adultery. Something like, a computation of all the property bought for them by your husband should be made and be considered your property not theirs. All the money spent on them all those years should be deducted from any inheritance due to the illegitimate child. And if the illegitimate child is already an adult, he/she should not be given any inheritance anymore because they do not need to be taken cared of as they can already work for themselves. These are the kinds of things that laws should be amended with and not the introduction of divorce laws that allows the criminals to escape. How about this, for each time the spouse committed adultery, the spouse should be paid a lump sum.
You know what would also be a nice thing to have? To have someone anonymous to put up a website with the purpose of helping spouses catch adulters or curtail it before it happens. Where anyone can anonymously upload videos of anyone about to or in the act of committing adultery.
I have a video of my husband committing adultery. It was given to me indirectly by his friends who were manning the CCTVs at the place where he made one of his many mistakes. I also have my medical record. But I keep it away from prying eyes until the day I could use it. Why? Because I would rather that my children do not see it.
But if someone would be able to put up that website, and diligently keep it confidential and secure from prying eyes, then I would be able to upload the file there for safekeeping. So that in the future, when we are both dead, and someone would appear to ask for inheritance as an illegitimate offspring, the video could be used as proof of identity besides the paternity results. For in my eyes, there is only one reason why anyone would want to have children with my husband or anyone’s husband or wife. For the inheritance. And I definitely do not want some undeserving people to have their hand on what we leave behind.
So you see, adultery is not a simple thing. It has many consequences. But you should not bother yourself with the thought that he doesn’t love you anymore that’s why he is committing adultery. The worry is not worth it.
And if you are envious of the sex, then when he comes home demand it from him. Something like this, “Are you done playing outside? Take a shower, it’s my turn to play.” Then when he can’t get it up anymore, wake him up early the next day and get it from him, even if you have to be the one on top. Why? Well, if you tire him out first, then he wouldn’t have much energy for the next bouts, right? So the other woman would have to work harder to get it up, which means more work for her. Let her earn her keep that way, as naughty as the idea may seem. After all, you have more right to him than anyone else. And if women are supposed to submit to their husbands, it wouldn’t hurt for us to make them realize they have to submit to us too.
However, be prepared for what may come in the future. Protect whatever is for your children. Especially since the other girl knows you have a lot of money. That in itself is reason to get pregnant. For they know that they would be able to extort from him anytime they want to.
Don’t be bothered by emotions. Be bothered by preparations for the consequences.
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