Politically Indifferent
I used to enjoy talking about politics in my country when I was younger.
Then a few years ago I didn’t find it as scintillating as before.
Primarily because I began to see it in a new perspective.
For the past months I have been encouraged to talk about politics
especially with the coming elections, which in my country is tomorrow.
They asked me to encourage the younger ones to practice their right to vote.
They asked me who I was going to vote for.
And I stayed away from all of it.
Here’s something I think would be important to know about elections in my country.
It is going through a lot of experimentation because we are only starting to learn how to use automation to cast our votes and count them and validate them. As with any adjustment from manual to automation we go through the same thing over and over again. We look for the one who could give us the right equipment. We look for the one who would seem to satisfactorily train the people who would be manning the equipment and using them. We have to provide all the information needed to help the voters learn how to use the automated systems. And we have a few months before the elections to get all the choosing done, training done, validation of equipment done, and elections completed.
And all these are watched by those younger ones we want to encourage to vote.
Added to this, they also have to be encouraged to decide wisely on who to vote.
So there is the usual predicament.
The predicament of going throughout the process of preparation to brewing sincerity and integrity and proving we are ready.
I think one of the things that is most important for the younger ones is this.
If they do practice their right to vote, would they be assured that their votes were counted and validated with sincerity and integrity.
And this is where the selfies come into the picture.
Maybe the younger ones deserve a more extensive explanation of why they cannot take pictures of their ballots, their receipts and themselves while voting. For to them it is their proof that they have voted and that they could show it off to their social networks. Maybe they deserve to know that selfies with their votes would be probable cause of pandemonium. Why?
Here’s why.
If all those who are going to vote would take a selfie of their ballot and their receipt, upload them to their networks, they would be creating an informal way for everyone to count the votes. And we know that technology can easily be distorted to become what we want others to see it as. What if someone would change the actual selfies and change the names chosen on the ballots using some photo editing software. And those changes are done in the millions, so much so that it could affect the results of the informal counting of votes.
Then we have the formal count done by the authorized people using a formal process.
We also have an informal count done by independent groups and broadcasted in various media.
Then we also have these collection of selfies actually showing either real or edited-by-software voting ballots as an informal count of votes.
What if amongst the formal and informal counting methods, a difference in count resulted in the millions that would cast a big cloud of doubt in the formal election count. Which would be a more believable election result? The formal count, the informal count by independent groups or the visually convincing selfies of each voter with their ballot? As old as I am, I’d believe the selfies version. why? Because I can see it. And that would be a cause for possible pandemonium. Which is why selfies are disallowed during voting.
And that is the power of information. When you explain to them the details of what they are going to do and why they are really restricted from taking selfies, then you get to somehow encourage them to talk to each other about it and possibly encourage them to vote on their own volition.
Honestly, I didn’t give too much time in choosing who to vote. Why? Because I know whoever would win, my role is not to be sour or jubilant. My role is to continue to observe what is happening and suggest solutions to things they cannot solve when they assume their positions. The only thing they could actually do for me is this,
LOBBY FOR WHAT WE WANT
Why do I say lobby?
Because there is no single person running for any position in politics that can promise me anything and assure me that it would happen, except for one thing. That they would have integrity in everything they do while in position.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have more jobs made available.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have more roads made.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have crime rates lowered or even eliminated.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have more schools made.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have salaries or budgets for anything raised.
Not one of them can promise me that they could have anything done and delivered once they assume their position.
Why?
Because they cannot do anything and have anything done all by their lonesome.
None of them can write what they promised, have the plans drawn, hire the people needed for them, get the budget needed for what they promised, and get them all done on time.
What’s the truth behind all these promises given during campaigns?
That the only thing they would actually be able to do is lobby or argue that what they promised be allowed to be given a budget and implemented.
If one of them during a campaign promised that he/she would have some town be given a cemented road that would enable them to get to the schools and markets and the nearby town using public utility vehicles instead of walking on the existing dirt roads, honestly there is no assurance it would happen.
Why?
Because here is how it works that many of them do not want to explain to the people.
As soon as an elected person assumes their position, this is what happens to their promise, explained in very simple terms that even those who are not highly educated could understand.
Year 1 in position – They are taught what they need to do in their position, who the people they are going to be working with, the places they are to go to for whatever they need, how much they are allowed to use for their plans, what are expected from them. Do they have time to fulfill their promise in the first year with all the activities they have to attend just to be introduced to everyone and everything around them? Maybe, maybe not. But it would be better to think of the first year in office as the first month in school where the requirements are not yet needed to be done for the first quarter exams.
Year 2 in position – They lay out their plans for their projects. So this means they write down what they want to get done, how much it is going to cost, where it is going to be done, who are going to do them, when it is supposed to start being done and when it is expected to be completed, and most importantly, why it needs to get done. Then they go to a gazillion meetings to present their plans to just about everyone who needs to know what they are. It’s like when you want to hold a big party at your house, so you make all the plans and you’d have to ask your parents for both permission and money. Only difference is this. If your office does not have the budget for it, then your office would not be able to get it done. If it is a big project, you would have to ask the higher offices for permission and money. So it takes a long time, if there are about a thousand people needed to read your plans, sign them, pass them on from one person to the next, check them if they are correct in every detail. Then the plans would be placed in the “Plans to be given a budget or not” pile. At the end of the year another meeting would take place to decide if the plan would be given a budget or not. If it is not given a budget, then it doesn’t get done and the promise given during the campaign period doesn’t get fulfilled. But if the plan is accepted and put in the “give this plan a budget” pile then we proceed to year 3. Also, if the person in office isn’t very good in arguing or lobbying to have their project approved for a budget, then it also gets rejected.
Year 3 in position – The amounts needed for the projects in the “give this a budget pile” is then added and called the National Budget for the year. Here’s where reality comes in. Where is the money for the projects going to come from? From us, of course. From every amount of tax we pay for most of the things we buy or from the deductions from our salaries and business profits. So they count how much taxes they collected for the year. Not from last year. But from this year after the National Budget has been passed. It’s much like our salaries. If we planned the party and our salary is not enough to pay for it, then party goes poof. But if the taxes collected is enough to pay for the “projects with budgets approved” pile, then the money for it can be set aside for it. But wait! There’s more! Not because the money is there doesn’t mean they would be given immediately to have it done. It’s not like when you ask your parents for money for the party and they give you the whole amount at once. With their projects, the money is given in installments. So they have to show that they have parts of the projects completed every time they are given money. And getting the money doesn’t take just a few minutes. The papers for each installment given is passed from one person to another for many days. So if one of the signatories for the paperwork for the budget to be given is absent for a week, then the budget to be released is delayed for a whole week. No signatures in the paperwork means no budget release. Bummer right? What if the very first signatory went on vacation for a whole month? And there about more than a dozen other signatories after the first signatory? What happens then? Let’s see. If there are a dozen signatories for just one single budget release paperwork, and each signatory is on vacation for a month, what happens? First signatory is on vacation on January so signing it would happen on February. Second signatory is on vacation on February so signing it would happen on March. And so on and so forth. Then you have an additional delay in the implementation of the project. Fun right?
Year 4 onwards in position – The cycle of presenting the project plans, having it approved, asking money, getting the paperwork signing done in the fastest way possible, hiring the people to implement the projects, having the project parts completed checked for quality control if they do so, and the other things needed to get the project done is going to happen. They have how many years in office? Would they be able to finish their project before the next election? Of course, when the next election is about to arrive, they would be setting aside a year or two to prepare for it. So what happens to the focus on the completion of the projects then?
This is a reality. A pattern that has been going on since elections were first made. The factors of time, money and human behavior/nature are at the forefront and not the promises made during the campaigns. If this is the same pattern to be seen by the next generations, then verve for casting votes would probably not rise either.
But what if we made some little changes. By starting with information sharing.
What if there would be an independent group that would create a website that would openly document the promises of each person vying for office or already in office. Then what the website could do would be to document how much the projects would cost, timeline from planning to implementation, manpower needed. Nothing permanent but rather just plans shared with others. Then those who would be available to bid for them would be able to prepare for it encouraging both local and foreign bidders to participate in potential bids. Citizens would also be allowed to write their comments on the projects on whether they are actually useful for them or they would want to suggest more features to the projects. This information would help those who are already in office see whether certain projects are worth putting in the “give this a budget” pile or not.
Then the people would be able to see what are the potential projects for the next elections and which persons/candidates they would prefer to support. They would also be able to see who would actually be able to realistically create work for them. This information would also help the common people see where their taxes would be going whenever they see it being deducted from their salaries or added to the prices of the things they buy. And it would also help them understand that there are some projects that cannot be done fast but would take years to complete, thereby lessening the possibility that they would complain about the delays or the length of time it takes to finish. And this website can also be used to encourage the younger ones to share their thoughts on whatever projects are planned for their future, which would also encourage them to get more involved in elections with or without selfies. Then the next time we have elections, it wouldn’t be too hard to get them to attend the campaign meetings the candidates would be holding.
And that is the power of freedom of information.
And this is why I have decided to become politically indifferent.
Because I would rather have the majority chose who they want to lead them. And I would watch and see what happens and give suggestions on how to make things better. Primarily because I am not depending on any public official to make my life better. I prefer to work hard and find opportunities to make my life better. And as I do so, I would expect the public officials in positions of authority to focus on fulfilling their promises with as much integrity as they could. Not expecting them to be perfect or to get me or anyone else out of poverty. But just to try their best to fulfill their promises during the campaigns. Then when they are fulfilled, the people would have what they need to make their lives better, more opportunities, more laws and protectors to protect them, and more information to help them grow in every aspect possible.
Going back to the dirt road to cemented road project sample above. If the public official who promised this gets to fulfill it, then opportunities are presented. Those people who used to walk on the dirt road would be able to consider different kinds of business opportunities for their locality because transporting goods to and from the nearby towns would then be easier. Then the people there would be easier to alleviate from poverty because they themselves would find it easier to work for their living or go get educated or find sources of business capital instead of tiring themselves from walking through the dirt roads just for a few coins or deciding just to stay at home and be unproductive.
To those who are running in the elections, good luck to all of you.
For the rest of us who are to be led (not controlled and manipulated, just for good measure) by those who would win in the elections, good luck and more patience and understanding to us until the next elections.
And for those who are returning to the normal life after years of public service, thank you for your public service.
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Preparing for the Consequences
How can anyone prepare for the consequences of adultery?
I cannot have all the answers to it but I can at least try to tell you what I think are ways to prepare from my own point of view.
First and foremost is your health. Infidelity’s most common consequence is health problems. It ranges from the simplest of venereal diseases to the most complicated such as AIDS. The first time I confirmed my husband’s infidelity was when I was forced to be confined to a hospital in the first years of our marriage because he gave me a venereal disease. I had to be treated and confined so that when I went home, I would be sure to heal physically. And after the healing came more pain. Pain that no matter what I do or how I handle it, I and my family would always be scarred by the fact that there is this piece of paper in a certain hospital that is evidence of infidelity. So it can be a secret that could possibly be dug up in the future and possibly destroy my offspring’s values and beliefs in the essence of marriage.
Next is privacy of family matters. Many men confide very private matters to those they commit infidelity to. Private family matters that can range from their family’s and spouse’s personal preferences, their finances and even some hidden wealth, their own personal preferences in just about anything, their and their family’s schedules, even their work secrets and woes. Which basically means just about anything. Not only that, when they go to places where they commit infidelity, they expose their wallets and other personal items to those they sleep with. That means, when they are exhausted and asleep, the person whom they committed adultery with can easily take photos of all the photos, credit and debit cards, receipts, contents of attache cases, laptops, tablets, mobile phones and other handhelds, and all other paraphernalia they take along with them while they commit adultery. Even all kinds of keys can be easily duplicated as they snore after committing adultery. And all these sources of personal information can be easily accessed while they are exhausted and asleep.
And that’s where the danger lies. When these kind of personal information are made available to those who covet them. Then the family’s privacy, security and well-being are put in peril.
How can this happen?
Simple.
The people, whether men or women, whom spouses sleep with, know other people or even possibly sleep with other people. If they want to cause trouble, all they have to do is find out where the family lives, which cars they drive around, and do some damage when no one is looking, to cite a few of the many ways they can cause trouble. What damage can be done? Car’s brakes or even its engine can be sabotaged at a time when they know the spouse would be using it. The house they live in can be entered when they are not around using the keys duplicated after committing adultery and the criminal spouse is sleeping. What are the things that can be done to the house? Surveillance cameras can be placed inside that would allow them to watch what the family is doing even to the extent of seeing them in the bathroom naked. These videos can be easily uploaded online and made money out of at pornographic sites. They could also use the house to have other men and women have sex inside it or drug sessions or even as simple as to spike the food inside with toxic substances.
Why would they do this when they are just people our spouses commit adultery with?
Because they do not have what we have and that’s what they want.
When your spouse is exhausted after committing adultery and possibly even a little bit intoxicated, the man or woman can easily ask your spouse to sign a piece of paper that your spouse would not even check the contents of because he or she is too exhausted. That piece of paper can say that your spouse is handing over this or that property to the one he or she committed adultery to. So that would mean, property that is supposed to be for you and your family would then become the property of that whom your spouse committed adultery with. How do I know this is possible? I tried it with my own husband. On one of the days he came home intoxicated after sleeping with his paid prostitute, I woke him up and told him to sign a piece of paper. And he did. When he woke up the next day, I asked him about it and he had no memory of signing anything. Try it with your spouse. You’ll be surprised by what he or she can do when intoxicated.
Previously I said adultery is an organized crime. And I would always stand by that because I know it for a fact.
For many years I kept my husband’s adultery a secret. It wasn’t only once. It was many times with many different kinds of women. From paid prostitutes to his old school friends, to people he worked with, and even with those in their organization. As I previously said, I wanted to protect my children from the truth. Because no matter what happens, I wanted them to grow up thinking and believing that their father was a person on integrity and values when it came to marriage. And that is what I want them to believe in until the time comes when they get married. So they too can practice and always strive for integrity in their relationships.
And then the organized crime came to our life, and things changed for the worst.
Because he had adulterous secrets, he was then used to keep others’ adulterous secrets too. Even to the point of helping others keep their illegitimate children from the public’s prying eyes and their own spouses’ trackers. At first it was manageable. Because they kept them away from us so they were never seen together physically. Then one day, one of the illegitimate children were made to live in the town near ours. So the problems started to pile on top of each other.
To be able to keep an illegitimate child and provide for their needs in secret, you would need a lot of people. In this case, the criminal spouse is a man, and the woman he committed adultery with bore a child. So, since they had to be kept in the town near ours, they needed a place to stay that would not encourage rumors and had the most number of conspirators. And that is where they were placed.
What are needed to provide for them while the woman continues to work without arousing suspicion that she is keeping an illegitimate child of a well-known and influential person? New furniture, new appliances, food and medicines on a regular grocery schedule, bills payments not under their name, and communication devices that cannot be tracked so everything has to be prepaid and numbers changed on a regular schedule, and a very good agreement with those who man the surveillance cameras in all stores to conveniently either remove the part where the woman or the child is recorded on video or to avert the camera to some other part of the store that doesn’t show the woman and/or the child.
All these need money. The spending of money can be easily tracked by spouses. How? Get your spouse’s payslip. If it is not available, contact the office where he or she works and ask how much your spouse earns. They would inform you of this because you are the real spouse. On an even a better note, get your spouse’s ITR (Income Tax Return) from their office and tell them you need it for your children’s school requirements or even your work application. Then compute your expenses based on all your monthly receipts versus the amount shown on your spouse’s payslip or ITR. Find all your spouse’s credit card bills and see which ones are household expenses and which ones are not. From there you would be able to find out if he or she is spending more than that which is stated in his payslip or is not spending as much and you don’t know where the money is. If he or she tells you it is in a savings account or some other investment, force him or her to produce the documents of such a savings or investment account.
This is how I found out my husband was continually committing adultery and was also helping another criminal spouse provide for his illegitimate child.
At first I didn’t care if he was helping the criminal spouse. It wasn’t my problem and I didn’t want to bother myself with it. But when the people in our town started talking about him buying groceries for a child on a regular basis whenever he went out to buy groceries for our family, I got incensed. Why? Because these people talk about it with other people and possible even around their own children. And their children talk to other children who eventually whisper around mine. And it was then that I knew that one of these days, my children would be told about it by one of their friends. Then my goal of keeping his adultery a secret so they would have good marriage values suddenly went down the drain.
For many years before I figured out the “organized crime” thing, I had always thought I had a problem about budgeting our expenses at home. Then when I figured it out I realized something. All those years that my husband had been criticizing me for spending too much on our water and electric bills, he was only doing it to hide the fact that he had given someone else the keys to our house and they get to use my appliances like the washing machine, the iron, the airconditioning and even our computers and gadgets when we were out on vacations or even for just the whole day, which inadvertently increased our utilities bills. Whenever I left the house and the cellphones were left in the house, they used them to make calls, text messages because details of text messages aren’t shown on billing statements, and even use the cellphones for connecting to the Internet. This caused our cellphone bills to increase and I was the one who had to make sure we could pay them using the monthly budget I was given by him. And more often than not, when I computed the expenses against the budget, it showed that we were overspending and I wasn’t doing well with the budgeting.
And I had no idea then that that was happening when we left the house even for just a few hours a day. That they also lie down on our beds or our couches and possibly even have sex in them while probably doing the laundry. How do I know? Because when I clean the house I get to sweep off a lot of p_bic hairs from the floors, and the tables and even chairs. I doubt those hairs came from any of us unless we walk around the house naked and pulling out those hairs like others do with their eyebrows. It’s disgusting and appalling.
It was hard enough that I had to keep his own illegitimate child a secret. Although it is much easier because the child lives very far from us then. But to have to attend my children’s events and hear the whispers around me about the child of another that he is taking care of that everyone thinks is his own is an additional pain that I didn’t want to bear. And that’s what happens. Every time we went out with our family, the child too went out with us in someone else’s care. They ate in the same places we ate in, shopped when we shopped, had fun in the resorts and arcades and other vacation spots we went to. It even came to the point where they would destroy something in my house like a gadget, an appliance or even furniture so that my husband would be forced to buy a new one and they would be able to buy a new one too using my husband’s credit card without arousing suspicion. I kept all these a secret all these years because I wanted my children spared of the truth.
These are the consequences you have to prepare for.
The consequences of the adultery of your own spouse and the consequences of having your own spouse be used by someone else to hide their own adulterous activities as part of the “organized crime” of adultery.
Some tell me why after knowing all these all these years I stayed married with him.
Well, here’s one example of someone who had a more humiliating experience than me but stayed married to her husband. A woman of influence was humiliated by her own influential husband when he was caught having a different kind of sex in the “highest” office in the land with another woman and was publicized for everyone to know and talk about.
Why she stayed married to him after that is a mystery to many. But I am sure that unconditional love has a lot to do with it. And that’s how women are.
If we are influential women and slept with another man and it was publicized, would our spouses stay married to us? Probably not. They couldn’t not handle the fact that another bird has shit on their heads. But we women bear it all the time, repeatedly in fact. And more often than not we receive not even a single show of remorse from them.
I am not encouraging any of you to do the same thing I did. That is to return to the place you were married and ask your husband or wife to return your wedding ring to you and assure you that no matter how many women or men he sleeps with you would always be his wife or husband and the others are just toys. I don’t want any of you to have the same results as I did, that my husband left me alone in the place he vowed to stay married to me with my wedding ring not returned to my ring finger and without even the words “sorry” after the admission of adultery. I don’t want that to happen to any of you. In fact, I don’t think other women would be able to return to their normal selves after such pain from the very person whose secrets they have kept for so many years.
But I do want you to consider preparing for the consequences.
Write down all your property in a sheet of paper then check each and every one of them if they are all still in your or your spouse’s name.
Try to talk to people in your children’s school and inform them of your circumstances, so that should there be any possibility that an illegitimate child of your spouse or a relative of the illegitimate child would ask to be placed in the same school, whether as a student or an employee, they would be able to discreetly reject the application and save your children any undue agony of being in the same school as their illegitimate siblings or illegitimate relatives.
Inform your relatives of your circumstances. This would help your children when a sudden unforeseen event happens to you, they would be able to come to your help and even defend you. And if worse comes to worse, they could even shield you and your children from any harassment that would come from aggressive adulterers and their illegitimate children.
Have your last will and testaments for you and your spouse drafted with this clause or something similar, “any and all these properties (write down the properties if necessary) are to be divided among our legal children only (write down the names of your children). This clause in this last will and testament cannot be superseded by any other future last will and testaments.”
Have all your legal documents, from birth certificates to marriage certificates, school documents, real properties, bank and investment accounts and every other document stating you and your spouses’ properties be placed in organized folders or envelopes so that when you need it at any point in time they are all ready. If your papers are not complete, request for them already and have them prepared at all times.
Make an inventory of everything you own inside your house. From the small trinket displayed in your living room to the biggest appliances that you own.
Have your house locks changed regularly and never let your spouse stay in the house alone when you already know he or she is committing adultery.
And most of all, make sure that your wedding picture is on your social networking profiles. If possible ask your friends to repost them in their own social networking profiles so that if the adulterous people suddenly try to make everyone else think that they are the legal spouse, you and your whole social network can debunk anything they would have to say and show.
My husband still wears his wedding ring on his finger as a facade. My wedding ring is in my wallet and would be given to my children as inheritance in the future. I am ashamed to wear a wedding ring that came from him. But I know everyone already knows that he is lying about it and that no matter how many times his illegitimates pretend to be legitimate, everyone knows I am still the legitimate spouse.
However, there is nothing that is preventing me from wanting those annulment papers on my table. Why? Because knowing everything I know now, and after everything he made me go through during those years when I was still clueless and until the years when I figured out what was really happening, he does not deserve to stay married to me. He also does not deserve to be given any favors or benefits for being married to me. And if I had the money to file an annulment of our marriage, I would do so at the soonest possible time.
But I don’t. So he gets to stay married to me. And to me as an influencer, that is not a good thing. Because even if I don’t want him to get any favors or benefits from anyone, someone somewhere would try to give him some just to get to me. And that is not a good thing.
Those who want to see us together again say I should forgive him. I was told that the other couples who went through what we did were able to stay together because the adulterer was forgiven. Forgiveness is for those who ask for it. That is something he would never ask from me because he is not capable of admitting he made the biggest mistake of his life.
Instead of forgiveness I rearranged the office room he took from me in our house that he turned into his bedroom. What I did was I moved his small single bed that was our first bed after we got married and was staying in a small apartment in a far away province, and moved it beside the other door. Then I put a fence beside it composed of bookshelves. He now has a space to sleep in equivalent to the size of a single bed with two feet to his right and one foot to his left and the old TV at the shelf at the foot of his bed. Why did I do that? So that he would know how small he is now and how little love he deserves in this house after all the hurt and pain he gave me and his children all these years. \
Does he complain? No. When he is around other people he tries to put up a front and smiles or laughs. But inside I know he is hurting really bad, especially when you look into his eyes. But he gets back at me by not giving me the full budget we need to buy food, groceries and vitamins and our other expenses. This is because he has to have money left to pay for those credit card bills for the groceries, appliances and furniture of the illegitimate child and adulteress he is tasked to care for. Besides the fact that he also has to set aside money for his own illegitimate child. Because whether he likes it or not, the man responsible for it is having a hard time giving him the money to pay for them because his wife is watching his every move and expense.
This is exactly why I suggested in my previous post that handling the illegitimate children and the adulterers should be made into a legal business and not an organized crime. Because women like me have their families distraught and even destroyed because they do not know that their husbands are taking care of someone else’s mistakes sometimes, and our budgets are affected when our spouses have to use our own budgets to pay for the needs of the illegitimate children and adulterers they are tasked to care for, especially when the adulterers do not immediately pay them for the use of their credit cards.
Am I telling you to do the same thing I have done to my husband? No. I am simply explaining to you what the possible consequences of adultery are, and what the different ways of managing them afterwards are.
Do those I wrote above seem fantastic and unbelievable and untrue? Maybe so, but then again, maybe not.
Some choose to forgive and sweep it under the rug.
Some let their families get destroyed.
Some choose to pretend nothing wrong is happening and just grin and bear with the pain.
I choose to have my marriage annulled and I want him to file it instead of parading around and pretending that he is not at fault.
Because after all these years and everything I was made to go through by his adulterous activities, I never was given a single piece of evidence of remorse or even a promise that things would change and work out well. All these years since I became an influencer, he used it to help him gain favors and benefits from many different people and situations. In fact as of the most recent time we all went out together as a family, I was ridiculed by him in front of all our children from inside the car to the restaurant. That is not a show of remorse, that is evidence of pain manifested into bullying.
I am sure his adulteress was never treated this badly by him. In fact, whenever he leaves town to go to them, all they have to do is tell him what they want and he gives it to them without a whimper.
Do I deserve to still have this kind of relationship in my life and my children’s lives.
My answer is no.
Those who have the experience of their spouses commit adultery should, I believe, take the time to prepare for the consequences. Adultery is not a one-time thing. Once it is done, there is always the possibility of a repetition or even a life-long burden of illegitimates. Then there is also the element of the organized crime that might be forced upon spouses who commit adultery.
Those who know me and my circumstances say I am not strong enough to handle my household and family and keep it together. To them I say, let’s try to switch places for a year. You be in my soul and I be in your soul. Nobody should know we switched souls for they would only see that our bodies are the same. Then after a year, tell me if you were abusively treated by my husband and everyone around him in the same way they abusively treated me when nobody was looking, would you be able to say you are not strong enough?
My husband has many connections, People from high places to low places. Anywhere I go I can be manipulated to be somewhere or with someone and made to look like I am incompetent. But those who really know me, know who I really am and am capable of. And as far as I know, regardless of the many times my own spouse has made other people think and believe that I am incompetent so he could hide his own shortcomings, faults and mistakes and seem more superior to me, there is one thing I can always hold my head up high for.
In all our years of marriage I have never committed adultery nor exposed my children to those who would teach or encourage them to commit adultery in the future. I have kept my marriage vows and stayed with him through anything we have possibly have gone through including cleaning up his disgusting mess when he came home from one of his adulterous nights.
So when the day comes when that/those illegitimate child(ren) is shown to me because inheritance is to be taken from my dead husband, I would not hesitate to put the mother in jail for adultery and concubinage, and have the face of all his illegitimate children published in every possible print and virtual media with the explanation, “This is/are the illegitimate child(ren) of my dead husband who has appeared before us in court to ask for their share of their inheritance. If there is anyone who can disclaim that this is the child of my husband, kindly contact us and prove your paternity.” And I would make sure that wherever they go everyone would know they are his illegitimate children, even up to all the places they would apply for work. For until after his death, I do not want my children to be deprived of the fact that they are the legitimate children and that they were wronged by an adulterous father. And there would be no way he would be able to defend himself and deny the truth that he committed adultery and concubinage. Then everyone would understand that I suffered a marriage wrought with adultery and concubinage.
These are but a few of the things that women in our country go through everyday/I am not trying to make spouses have disagreements with each other because of this post. On the contrary, I am encouraging spouses to talk to each other and help each other keep themselves from committing adultery. Because once it has been done, it is not easy to get out of it. The consequences are scary and irreversible. And the pain and distrust lingers even after it seems everything is okay again.
If the next generations would be able to change the way things are, then there would be less need to prepare for consequences. If you can see how much sleeping around with someone else after marriage just for the sake of pride and ego has destroyed your own parents and families, then when it’s your turn to be in a marriage, don’t sleep around. We cannot fix the damages of our past generations in our country because we were brought up to think that sleeping around is macho and should just be accepted by spouses unconditionally. But if you hate your parents for fighting or splitting up because of adultery, then don’t sleep with anyone else except your spouse when you get married.
Adultery is not macho or cool. Think of your parents doing it. Or what if someday you end up sleeping with one of the people your parents committed adultery with. What’s more worse is what if you find out your girlfriend or boyfriend is your parent’s illegitimate child after you have already had sex with each other?
There are the many consequences and ways to prepare for the consequences of adultery. It wouldn’t hurt to think about it. And it also wouldn’t hurt to prevent your relationships from even reaching this phase. And if you do reach this phase, it wouldn’t hurt to make amends for your mistakes instead of hiding and denying them all the time.
Don’t try to be like my husband or the others like him. Because one way or another your mistakes would catch up to you and when it does, it can become really ugly.
Adultery, concubinage or the breach of any similar contract pertaining to life-long relationships is never a simple matter that can be ignored. It destroys the very unit of society, the family.
The statistics in one country said that they have more children born by single mothers than mothers in a marriage. They said it was a reflection of women becoming more independent in bearing children out of wedlock, that they do not need to be in a marriage to have children. Does that statistic have any details of how many were born by single mothers who had those children by committing adultery?
Has it happened in your family? If it has, how has it affected your family and your relationships with other people? How has it affected the people you say you love?
It doesn’t hurt to ask yourself and find out the truth and consequences.
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